Back in the 80′s, the “My Little Pony” franchise was aimed specifically at girls, both in toy lines and animated adventures. Flash forward to this space year 2012… And MLP is still deliberately marketed and designed with pre-teen girls in mind. Yet somehow, for reasons unknown, fat neckbeards have taken to the show like they do to Naruto and Final Fantasy.

In the face of well-deserved ridicule and mockery by the rest of the Internet at large, more and more sheltered young men are proclaiming themselves to be “Bronies,” admitting their love for the recent animated series spawned by the MLP franchise. I’m pretty sure the whole fad started off with goons ironically quoting it and putting down 5 dollars for pony avatars on the Something Awful forums, but I’ve heard people tell me it started off un-ironically on 4chan’s /co/. The fact of the matter is, it doesn’t really matter how or where it started: What’s important to note (for the purpose of this article) is that once Bronies made it to deviantART, we were all doomed to deal with some of the worst art to hit the web in a long time.

MLP fan art ranges from “pure shit” to “pure horror.” As far as the percentages are concerned, there seems to be an even split between “innocent” and pure pony porn. To MLP’s credit, this is a better balance than most franchises featuring anthropomorphic creatures seem to strike. Case in point; the Star Fox franchise, which seems to inspire roughly 9 pornographic pieces of fan art for every 1 worksafe image. On the other hand, the fact that MLP still inspires any amount of porn is goddamn terrifying.

It’s not often we include warnings in articles here on DCQC, but I feel one is necessary for this article. For the purpose of getting across how awful fans of MLP are – not only as artists, but as human beings in general - we’ll be showing illustrated pony porn in this article. So, if looking at drawn animal porn upsets you - WHICH IT FUCKING SHOULD - you should probably stop reading now.

Fluttershy by ~Pyruvate

Believe it or not, I’m actually easing you into this article with this deviation. I like to think that light bondage ranks fairly low in the rankings for unorthodox fetishes. I mean, bondage is child’s play when stacked up against shit like vore – which we will also be touching upon later on in this article. Hey, speaking of children, I feel like I should reiterate the point that MLP is a cartoon show marketed towards children. Also, from what I understand, the characters in the show are children / teenagers as well? (NOTE TO SELF:  File this article under the “Pedophilia” category.)

I think might understand how the artist correlated ball-gags with MLP. You see, “toys” are a common slang term for sexual aids. And, as I mentioned earlier, the MLP brand began as a toy line. See the connection? Pyruvate sure did! And the world is a worse place for it. Credit where credit is due: The artist is able to match the show’s art style fairly close. Which, to be fair, isn’t all that difficult. The problem is, this makes it very easy for impressionable children to accidentally stumble upon this particular submission. With a title and description simply citing the character’s name, and the failure on the artist’s part to tag the image as “Explicit,” it’s not difficult to imagine a scenario where a child might be looking for Fluttershy fan art on deviantART, and unwittingly click on the thumbnail without noticing the fact that their favorite pony is in prime position to be raped. For a fandom centered around friendliness and tolerance, Bronies sure don’t seem to give a shit about corrupting younger fans of the show!

Those condoms won’t save you by ~thebunnyden

First things first: What is the title of this piece meant to imply? That the pony pictured has a sexually transmitted disease so contagious that it doesn’t even require fluid transfer in order for her partner to contract it? Perhaps something airborne? If this is the case, posing seductively and inviting people to have sex with her is incredibly reckless (Assuming, of course, she is aware she has a STD). Also, if “those condoms won’t save you,” why is she holding three of them? I understand that it might be one for each hole: My point is that it’s deceptive to offer them if you’re going to contract this apparently unstoppable, presumably un-curable disease. Or maybe the odd title is the result of some mistranslation from Italian – the artist’s native language – to English.

ITA: regalino per taliesinthedragoon taliesinthedragoon Finalmente. Sono 2 mesi che cerco di finire quest’immagine e non ci riesco. Provo e riprovo ma NIENTE. Finalmente è completa…. O quasi. Già perché doveva essere colorata, infatti è la colorazione che mi ha dato rogne (la china era completa molto tempo fà). Ad un certo punto ho smesso -.- spero che ti piaccia comunque Tal, ce l’ho messa tutta e almeno la china è venuta bene. Cazzo un tempo ci avrei messo un giorno a finire una pic così, stò perdendo motivazione ._. spero vi piaccia.

ENG: gift for taliesinthedragoon taliesinthedragoon Finally. It’s been two months since i’ve tried to finish this pic and i reallly couldn’t. I tried and tried again but NOTHING. Finally it’s complete… Or quite. Yeah beacause this has to be coloured, in fact it’s the colouration that gave me problems (the ink was ready a long time ago). At some point i stopped -.- i hope you’ll like it anyway Tal, i put all my efforts into it. At least the ink came out well. Fuck, some time ago i could have completed a picture like this in one day, i’m loosing motivation ._. Enjoy.

Well, that description was certainly enlightening! Apparently, the decision to submit this as lineart was based solely on the artist’s own laziness, and unwillingness to bother inking the damn thing. Bear in mind that this is supposedly a gift for another user: A show of gratitude or admiration. And yet, the artist couldn’t even be bothered to finish it? Shows how much he cares for “taliesinthedragoon!” On that subject, I’ve always been sort of curious about artists who are commissioned / compelled to draw porn for their fans. It always struck me as a sort of odd, awkward gesture. It’s sort of like saying, “Hey, you and I have been friends online for a long time, so I decided to draw a picture of a naked horse for you. Do with it what you will! By which I mean, masturbate furiously to it.”

I suppose you’ll be wanting me to critique the picture itself. What do you want me to say? It’s not drawn badly: It’s just terrifying to know that someone thought of the idea of drawing a horse with huge tits posing provocatively, and then committed that same idea to paper. The artist obviously has a somewhat unique style, and an adequate of anatomy. There’s not much to say other than that.

… Well, maybe there’s a few things. I’m not sure if the weird lump beneath the pony’s crotch is some sort of weird censorship thing, or maybe some sort of horrible hidden penis or something. The way the horn seems to blend in to the forehead is kind of weird, in the same way that the areola isn’t drawn as a complete circle on her breast. I’m fairly certain these last two issues were meant to be resolved when the picture was fully colored. The problem is, the artist never got around to that. I’m sure he’ll eventually submit a fully inked version at some point in the near future. Maybe he’ll even grace us with a 3rd edition with some hideous filter effects layered on for good measure, God willing!

SxRD: Not So Fast Now… by ~SammiTheHedgie

What’s a DCQC article without a Sonic the Hedgehog crossover or a vore picture? I figured I might as well kill two birds with one stone with this one. Or should I say… TWO PONIES? ahahahahaha oh god i am a comic genius. I was ready to share my comedic wit with SammiTheHedgie via a comment on her submission, but was disappointed to find that she had disabled comments like a spineless coward after having received a few mean messages from the dA meanies! As she elaborates in the submission’s description:

Edit: 1/18/12: Because you children don’t know how to take a fucking joke, I’ve disabled comments. I have enough with the spam and trolling. I’ve reported so much spam, that it’s ridiculous. So……all you trolls suck ass, and need to shut the fuck up and LEAVE ME ALONE. It was just a joke for crying out loud. Stop being butthurt bitches. So if you don’t like this picture, you can’t baww at me anymore. Go baww to someone who actually gives two shits about your opinion. Because I don’t. >:/

So, there you have it, you fucking asshole trolls: Because you didn’t get the punchline in this obviously satirical and not-at-all fetishistic piece of art, Sammi had no choice but to disable the comments. I mean, it’s not her fault you’re all “butthurt” about the picture – an overused term which totally doesn’t describe Sammi’s own reaction to the situation. She clearly doesn’t give two shits about your opinions… As made evident by the fact that she disabled the option for anybody to submit to her their opinions. I see nothing hypocritical in her explanation for her decision, and nothing amusing about her handling of the situation. That being said, the only fault I could find in her explanation is her declaration that it is no longer possible to “baww at her anymore,” which I will prove wrong by complaining about the quality of her picture using this article.

Markers and crayons are for children. I can never get over how unprofessional / unfitting they are when used for illustrations meant to be posted online. I guess the fact that both MLP and Sonic are series intended for children might justify the use of amateur tools. But all that means is that the picture itself is of an amateur quality. Many of the outlines are jagged / extend too far, while the coloring frequently escapes outside the lines. There’s something odd about the way that Rainbow Dash’s arms bend, with her forearms seeming to be double the length of her upper arm. If the “X-Ray” frame is supposed to be exact size, it looks as if Sonic is slightly too big to fit in the bulge depicted. Either that, or Sonic is far smaller than Rainbow Dash, which I imagine would complicate the idea of a pairing between the two (Which Sammi comes out in support of in the description).

If I had to point out one feature, it would be the excessive amount of “cartoon emoting” by Sonic. Not only does he have a sour look on his face: He’s also blushing, has a huge anime sweat-bead pouring down his face, a bright red vein on the side of his head, AND an ellipsis inside a speech bubble! All we’re missing is the steam coming out of his ears. But that would burn the inside of Rainbow Dash’s stomach, which Sonic obviously wouldn’t do to her. After all, in Sammi’s mind, these two are ~~in love~~.

Special Treatment by ~NostalgiaGamerJS

Now we’re in the thick of it! I’m going to go out on a limb here and say that Lauren Faust probably didn’t envision her fans envisioning her characters in these kind of scenarios. Then again, she probably didn’t imagine her fans drawing up Powerpuff Girls porn either. But enough about how out of place porn should be in a fandom like this: Let’s talk about anatomy. Our would-be pornographer doesn’t seem to have a good grasp of it. I get a weird “Pico’s School” vibe from how short and stubby the hind legs are relative to the arms. Not to mention, how the arms seem to curve impossibly smoothly, without any sort of bending at the joint.

These issues are compounded by the fact that the picture is completely flat, lacking any sort of depth whatsoever. For example, with the mares, you can only see the one hind leg facing towards the viewer, completely and conveniently hiding the leg behind them. If there’s any one genre of art that absolutely needs to pop out, it’s porn. How else are you supposed to get a sense of how large the stallion’s gigantic, throbbing cock is, before it shoots salty semen all over oh wait I am getting way too descriptive about this the readers might begin to suspect that I’m a disgusting fu… Wait, what was I talking about again? Oh, right: Flat characters look like fucking garbage.

The plain black background probably doesn’t help the situation at all. Then again, a detailed one probably wouldn’t fix anything either, would it? After all, we’re dealing with an artist so incompetent, they can’t even make their text readable. How the fuck do you fuck up brightly colored lettering on a pure black background? By adding a completely unnecessary gradient to them, apparently. One more question that needs answering: Is Twilight Sparkle choking the dude horse? Is this supposed to be some erotic asphyxiation bullshit going on? Jesus Christ: I don’t even want to touch this shit with a six-foot pole. Or even a six-foot, red-hot horse cock, all lubed up and ready for OH GOD WHAT IS HAPPENING TO ME

Well, that’s about as much as I can take. It’s seriously exhausting to look at some of this shit; like a constant drain on my psyché.

There’s no denying the crossover between Bronies and furries. The fascination of grown men in the series doesn’t have anything to do with the supposed “comedy for all audiences”: It’s their attraction to the characters, whether it’s sexual or otherwise (But mostly sexual). Bronies watch the show because they relate to or admire the characters. It’s why they buy the figures – and consequently, why Hasbro is making a fucking killing selling figures. And if you obsess over something… ANYTHING long enough, your mind eventually goes to that dark place imagining the sexual implications of it.

The primary problem with Bronies is their unwarranted pride in their fandom. In the same way that “Aspergian Pride” or being proud of any sort of mental defect is ridiculous, so is being proud to be a social outcast. That’s really what being a member of the fandom boils down to: Camaraderie in being oddities. It’s why many fans relate to the Fluttershy character and her social awkwardness. A story that sticks out in my mind I read a few months back, when fellow contributor Lmte showed me a thread on “PonyChan” where a Brony told a sob story about meeting his father for the first time in years for dinner, with the night ending in a shouting match between the two. While he sat sobbing in his car, the Brony spoke of squeezing his Fluttershy plushie in his hand to calm himself. If that isn’t the very definition of “pathetic,” I don’t know what is. And yet, the poster’s fellow Bronies all came to support him, and to enable his literally child-like behavior.

Which leads us to the second biggest problem with Bronies: Their obliviousness of the fact that they share this fandom with children. These people seriously forget that on the same imageboards and art submission services they are posting pony porn, there are innocent children looking for desktop wallpapers of Rarity doing some horse shit or something. And in the search for that – as I theorized before – it would not be difficult for an impressionable youth to stumble upon something like one today’s submissions. That’s kind of fucked up, isn’t it?

So Bronies; go ahead and dismiss this entire article by posting “I’m going to love and tolerate the shit out of you!!!,” or whatever other dumb bullshit you lot like to spew. Keep trying to kill detractors with kindness, or ignoring the claims made against you. Keep on exposing children to cartoon porn, the same way Sonic fans and Star Fox fans and every other furry fandom inadvertently does. Luckily for you guys, you have some highly reputable representatives maintaining your public image. Especially here on dear old deviantART.com.

I never could understand how a series, this far up it’s own ass, could possibly gain the insane amount of fame, success and critical acclaim that it has, but somehow Silent Hill managed it. It has attracted masses of pretentious idiots to buy into it’s pseudo-intellectual bullshit, because they’re all desperate to feel smart and intellectual about their precious fucking video games, which is why they all flock to Silent Hill and then go around proclaiming how “Video Games are art because Silent Hill exists”.

So, today, we will be taking a look at DevinatART’s selection of Silent Hill fan art. Just like the series they are based on, pretty much every piece of Silent Hill fan art, that I could find, is terrible. All of it depicting either the author’s favorite female character or their favorite pairing, with some “cool effects” thrown on top like making it black-and-white, or adding white marks and scratches to the edges to make it “stylistic”. Or, hell, sometimes they don’t even put in effort to do that much. I’ve picked out some of my personal favorites, which we will take a look at now, together.

hey all , this is “Angela” from Silent hill in my own way “manga style”i know that Angela don’t put make up but i just think it makes her look good

Well, here’s one with zero effort put into it. Seriously, notebook paper, again? I remember I used to scribble shit in my notebooks in school, too, but why would you actually use it for your “art” that you share online? Is regular, white paper a rare resource or something? And colored pencils? Unless you are under 10 years of age, why would you EVER think that using colored pencils or crayons is even remotely a good idea?

Now, as the author clearly states, this is Angela, from Silent Hill 2, drawn in “manga style”. What that’s supposed to mean, your guess is as good as mine, since the drawing doesn’t really resemble any of the (few) mangas that I’ve seen. Just looks like a regular, everyday drawing to me. Maybe I just don’t have an eye for stupid Japanese shit. Anyway, one thing that you might notice is how this drawing looks NOTHING like Angela from Silent Hill 2, and I don’t just mean the lipstick, that the author took care to mention. For one thing, I don’t recall Angela having a deformed face, drawn from the side to compensate for the author’s inability to create a human face, either. Look at how her eyes are placed in relation to her nose, and how small her mouth is, then try to imagine this face rotate, so it’s faced towards you. I guess, I also don’t remember Angela having bright-brown hair or a pink sweater, but that’s minor shit.

Jesus fuck, what the hell is going on with her torso? It’s supposed to be pointed to the right, like her head, right? So we’re looking at it from the side? So what the fuck is up with her right arm? You could probably make a checklist of parts of her body that look bigger than her arm, even though they’re not supposed to. For example – her arm looks about as big AS HER FUCKING EYE. It’s pretty obvious, especially from lack of any shoulder, that the author simply drew a quick shape for the torso, then added a line to make it look like Angela has an arm, but I guess she didn’t realize that the line should have been more to the right. Angela’s breasts don’t look right, either. It just looks like she has something under her sweater, pointing STRAIGHT away from her chest, which is not how breasts actually work, as GRAVITY takes into effect. It just looks like the artist drew a quick mountain on the side of her torso, and said “That’s a tit!”. Truly, this fucking shit does Team Silent proud.

My favorite draw of Dark Alessa, from Silent Hill Movie

Well, look at that. Another penciled drawing of a female character. At least… I think, that’s a female (?). I mean, Alessa IS a little girl in Silent Hill, but this drawing certainly doesn’t look like a girl. Just looks like a guy with long hair… a headbanger.

Well, even putting aside the gender confusion, the head is all wrong. The face is way too fucking small, for a head that size. In fact, the face looks like an afterthought of the drawing. What it looks like, is that the author drew somebody from behind, and then decided to erase some of the hair on the back of the head, and quickly add a small face to it. Honestly, that’s how this drawing comes across – like it was originally meant to be the back of the character, before the author realized how stupid the idea would be.

The author also added, what I think is, blood and tears to Alessa’s face because… It’s Silent Hill, it’s dark, edgy and deep, I guess. Of course, none of it looks like actual liquids, it just looks like she’s got a bunch of solid shapes on her face for some reason. And of course, dates and signatures on the image, so the author feels like a real artist, because what better way to make your Silent Hill fan art more pretentious?

This drawing is also part of a set, which includes two more drawings of Alessa, by the same author. As the description of this image states, it is the author’s personal favorite, meaning that this is what he considers to be his BEST example, which is why I chose it. However, the other two are also interesting to look at, because of how different all the drawings are, and yet they are all terrible in their own unique way. It might be some sort of symbolism for how everything is unique or some shit like that, but it’s probably not.

Another Silent Hill drawing. See my comics at: [link]

Jesus fucking christ, what the hell am I looking at? Seriously, what the fuck is this shit? The title claims that this is somehow supposed to resemble Heather, from Silent Hill 3. I honestly don’t think that a more repulsive-looking drawing of Heather is even possible to be made. This doesn’t even look like it’s supposed to BE a Silent Hill drawing. This looks like someone with no talent, or understanding of how to draw a human being, trying desperately to draw Sin City fan art, but then got confused and made a Silent Hill drawing instead.

How is this POSSIBLY meant to be a good drawing? That is NOT what a human face looks like. The eyes, the nose, the mouth, it’s ALL wrong. I’m not sure I can even specify WHAT is wrong here, it’s almost a masterpiece of terrible drawings. It just looks repulsive in every imaginable way.

This is like, what an angsty teenager would draw, during the “my favorite color is BLACK, life is pointless” phase… probably because that’s what the author IS. In case you didn’t notice the advertisements in the description and THE DRAWING ITSELF, the kid who drew this fancies himself a “cartoonist”, with his first graphic novel being about “the status quo of rat race life” and a “rebel” character who doesn’t take no shit from no one. FIGHT THE SYSTEM, brother!

This DCQC entry has been sponsored by rsdcomics. “Hippy Jonny and the Banality of Life” NOW FOR SALE! If you enjoy a complete lack of quality in YOUR literature, rsdcomics has got you covered!

JESUS FUCK, it all comes down to Sonic The Hedgehog shit. Are you fucking kidding me? What the fuck is up with this obsession with Sonic shit, that people feel the need to put their Sonic shit into EVERYTHING? Sonic The Hedgehog and Silent Hill are unalike in every possible way, yet somehow, the author of this fucking thing decided “Hey, I like Shadow, I like Silent Hill, I’ll draw Shadow in Silent Hill ^_^”, because he/she is a fucking idiot. I don’t even understand how this is SUPPOSED to be Silent Hill. Just because it has some snow and white blurs in the background and foreground? That’s what Silent Hill is, now?

And why Shadow? Honestly, what the fuck is UP with Shadow? Why does everyone flock to him as a cool character? Just because he’s black and has a “tragic” backstory? Spoiler alert: SHADOW SUCKS. He is literly the worst fucking thing the Sonic series has ever introduced to the world (besides the series itself). If taking the main character of a franchise, coloring him black and adding a tragic backstory, is all it takes to impress you fucking morons, you seriously need to raise your fucking standards, and stop putting your stupid Sonic shit into everything that you can imagine, especially shit that literly has NOTHING to do with the Sonic series, like Silent Hill, which is terrible for it’s own reasons.

All of you, raise your fucking standards, Jesus Christ!

This article was originally intended to be released near the beginning of December, but I got lazy. My bad.

As we are in the midst of December right now, I decided to try something a little different. Let’s call this, the first ever DCQC Christmas Special.

Now is a time, when the world is getting into the Christmas spirit. It is a festive time – a time of giving, to be with the ones you love, to eat, drink and be happy together. Even though it may be cold and snowing outside, you can cuddle together, with your loved ones, around a fire and open presents for each other. You take a sip of hot chocolate and for a moment, for just one moment in the whole year, it seems that all is well in the world.

I imagine that for talented artists, feelings and emotions like this can inspire some amazing works of art. So, since I am feeling all warm and fuzzy inside myself, I have decided to look at some of DeviantART’s more festive offerings, as a treat for you. So, I did a quick search for “Christmas” and looked at the more recent uploads. Consider this my christmas present to all of you. : )

Oh god, there goes my christmas spirit. What the hell is this, a preschooler’s doodle? Could the author of this piece of work POSSIBLY have used more black? I guess that’s supposed to be a girl, of some kind, and her black hair is so long that it’s covering up most of her body? Or, I guess her hair is just black, and so are her clothes, so they blend together into an indistinguishable mess, with some arms sticking out. Most people would try to, at least, add some distinction between the hair and the outfit, so the character doesn’t look like a goth version of Cousin Itt, but I suppose that would take too much time, effort and skill, all of which are things that TheBritishJerk (which is an amazingly original and funny username, by the way) is far above.

Dear god, what the hell is going on with her arms? Absolutely nothing about them is done right. At all. That is NOT even remotely what actual human arms look like. They are way too small, it looks like they don’t even have hands, just some fingers sticking out at the end of her forearms, which themselves are either way too short or her arms bend at a completely wrong position. Her hat is also completely wrong. If it REALLY was that big, then there would be no way that it would actually stay on her tiny (by comparison) head, without just dropping over and covering it completely.

first request, for ~illogical-equations

i’m doing drawings for some of my friends if you want one note me! ~txt it~

Dear god, somebody ASKED for this drawing? I really hope that they just had no idea what they were getting into, otherwise they must be brain-dead in order to REQUEST an image like this to be made for them. It’s a fucking rip-off, even if it was done for free!

How fucking original! A drawing of L. There goes my happy/warm feeling – all gone. You know, I’ve watched Death Note (I’m not too proud of it, but it is true). One thing I never saw in any of the episodes was L dressing up in a red coat and a green scarf, to look Christmas-y. I just don’t get drawings like this – if you draw characters in situations that are completely out of character for them, then you obviously don’t actually like the characters how they are, so why try so desperately to cling to characters that you don’t even like? L just kind of sat around and ate a lot of sugar. That’s all he ever really did. That’s his character. He never got into “wacky” or “cute” situations where he dresses up in a Christmas outfit.

Then there’s the quality of the drawing itself. Words like “flat” and “disproportionate” come to mind. Either his neck is far too wide, or his head is far too small, I can’t really tell which is the problem there. His body was obviously drawn with the classic technique of making a basic shape, then adding in lines, to make it look like he has arms. Oh, but his hair is so well done. I’ve never seen such amazing use of a bunch of black / grey blurs used like that before. The background is just the color gray, and there’s some white blurs scattered around the image that I guess was supposed to be snow. It’s all fucking terrible.

Merry christmas from McManga!

Now I’m just feeling outright depressed. Nobody puts any effort into making this stuff. I mean, why bother, right? Who needs effort, when everyone on DeviantART will just pat you on the back and say you made something fantastic, anyway? I feel emotionally drained and completely helpless now, just from looking at this. This shit has single-handedly ruined Christmas for me.

Christ, what am I looking at here? That’s a girl right? But the description of the drawing, implies that this is a self-portrait of McManga, the author of the drawing, even though he claims on his profile, that he is indeed a 15 year old male. So, is this a drawing of him as a transvestite in a Santa Claus outfit? Does that idea just SCREAM “Merry Christmas” to him? How festive!

It also doesn’t help that the drawing itself is fucking terrible. For some ungodly reason, the author decide to use colored pencils and note-book paper for this Holiday piece, meaning there’s smudges on the paper, the coloring looks fucking terrible, and HE COLORED OUTSIDE THE LINES. Jesus Christ, what kind of person over the age of 8, would make a pencil drawing like this and be unable to COLOR WITHIN THE LINES? The transvestite Santa’s head is also comically oversized, the hands are way too tiny, the arms are a mismatch of deformity, and that is NOT what a human mouth looks like. Goddamn!

Jesus fucking christ goddamn holy shit! What the fuck is this? God fucking damn! What the fuck is wrong with you people? Christmas is supposed to be a special time of year when you spend time with your family or your loved ones, a nice, happy, magical time. And THIS is the kind of shit that you people think of, when you think Christmas?

What the fuck is this? Is Sonic supposed to be a girl here? What kind of a sick, creepy, fucked up mindset do you have to be in, to EVEN for a SECOND consider this as a good idea for a Christmas drawing? How fucked up in the head do you have to be in, to spend Christmas time fantasizing about Shadow dominating female-Sonic next to the Christmas tree? Who the fuck finds horrible shit like this appealing in any way?

Fuck this shit, fuck all of you, I’m done with Christmas!

I guess it’s probably because most of them grew up with the series, imagining they were personal close friends with Sonic, and dreaming of chilling with him and going on all sorts of wacky adventures. This is because most Sonic fans are autistic, lonely, lifeless failures of human beings who can’t make any real friends due to being ugly as sin. With all that in mind, let’s take a look at the subject of todays article, ~SonicLover1991.

DISCLAIMER: This article was (indirectly) requested by SonicLover1991 herself. As you can see, she is fond of “requesting critique” on her drawings. So, instead of posting one on dA itself, consider this article my critique. Glad I could help!

Holy shit, I thought we were supposed to be dealing with a 20-year old today; not a 10-year old! Shit like this is why kids shouldn’t be allowed to use the internet unsupervised, because then they put up horrible images of… Whatever the hell that is, for the world to see. Then again… Her name clearly states that her year of birth is 1991, so what the fuck is going on? Why is this 20 year old girl drawing like a pre-schooler? Jesus, look at this mess of pencils, crayons and markers. I think my 6 year old sister drew this exact same thing once. The only difference is, my sister has a better grasp of anatomy.

So, what the fuck are we looking at here? The character is standing in a horribly idle and uncreative pose, with her arms out and her legs together. I guess those weird shapes at the end of her legs are supposed to be boots. And apparently – as confirmed by the title of the image – her right arm is showing us THE FINGER… For some undisclosed reason. Apparently, when you show someone THE FINGER, the proper procedure is to have your arm squarely by your side while sticking the finger out.

Why the fuck is her left arm going behind her… Tail? (Your guess is as good as mine here) Why is her head so fucking huge? Why is her torso pointed to her right (either that or her torso is deformed and only has 1 tit)? Why the fuck did SonicLover1991 decide to post this?

Oops! This isn’t supposed to be here! I apologize, folks: Obviously what’s happened here is that I have accidentally uploaded a doodle from her school notebook, that she obviously scribbled while bored in class. This is no way should be indicative of her collective works, or of “the best she can do.” My bad. I am sorry.

Contest Entry for sonicstaryfan’s Contest my Character’s name is…..Lightning the Hedgehog

So, what we have here is obviously a drawing, from first person view, of someone about to strangle some green / blue hedgehog creature. That, or we’re looking at a turkey drawing gone horribly, horribly awry. One of those two, for sure. Nope: This couldn’t possibly be anything other than one of those two things. I mean, it definitely can’t be the hedgehog’s hand sticking out towards the viewer! I mean, the angle the hand is at wouldn’t match up at all! Surely even SonicLover1991 couldn’t fuck this up so bad thaGODDAMN IT ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME

Contest entry For okamitwilightwolf
Basically All you had to do is to draw her OC I decided To draw her crying
TTTH:Talk To The Hand

So, APPARENTLY, the hand DOES belong to the hedgehog creature, who is sticking it in our face in an attempt to show us how TOUGH she is… While crying like a baby.

Either she’s got a disgustingly huge hand, or she’s got a disturbingly long arm. Either way, it’s fucking wrong. We can also observe, yet again, her masterful use of the colored pencil / marker combo, which by now we can call her “artistic trademark.” Her trademark also includes complete lack of any understanding of perspective, anatomy, or depth.

I should also point out this is yet another contest entry; from which we can assume that she put all of her available effort into it. And that is a goddamn shame. You’d think that after entering and consequently losing nearly a dozen contests, she would realize that her art leaves much to be desired.

Finally, something that resembles a human! It’s a welcome change, as one can only take so many Sonic variations. I say “resembles” a human, because once again, her complete lack of any artistic talent or competence shines through. Her head is way too big, as is her left hand and left leg. I’m guessing that it’s supposed to look like she’s put her leg forward, but it looks like it’s right next to her right one. In fact, due to some weird thing going on with her right shoe (the black thing), it looks like her right leg is IN FRONT of the left one. I have no clue what the hell is going on with her right hand, if that’s what that is supposed to be. Also, she looks like she has a fucking bulge in her shorts. Hot stuff right here, folks.

The best part of this picture is that isn’t just of some random fan character: This is a “self-portrait” of SonicLover1991 herself, which is hilarious if you’ve actually seen what she actually looks like.

In conclusion, SonicLover1991 is a pre-school aged hedgehog trapped inside the body of a 20-year old human female. Her art will never graduate from the pre-schooler level, because all she has is the mental capacity of a pre-schooler.

deviantART: Should they really put “art” in the name? Last time I checked, there is hardly any art on dA. Most real artists despise the site, favoring other sites and services to distribute their real art. Why would they put their works up on dA, knowing full well they’re just going to be buried underneath shitty anime fan art? But I’m sure DCQC has made this point a hundred times already, in a hundred different ways.

Today, I’m here to showcase some of the worst not-art I’ve seen on dA. And let me tell you; it’s a lovely bunch of dump. Allow me to introduce you to the gallery of nest123454321. The weird thing is actually how I found him: My friend left a critique for one of his submissions. In fact, quite a few people have given him critiques, which is quite odd, seeing as no amount of constructive criticism is capable of fixing his shit.

First, I need to get something out of my hair: This kid has 225 watchers. I’m not fucking kidding. This kid is also confirmed to have paid money for pageveiws. PAGEVEIWS, FOR FUCKS SAKE. He is seriously that pathetic. And when he isn’t spending money on himself, he is paying for other users premium memberships, which is tantamount to paying people to pretend to be your friends. What nest123454321 really needs, more than the attention he gets from his attention whoring, is to stop wasting his mother’s hard earned cash on stupid intangible Internet bullshit. Put that money towards something useful! Maybe something like… Uhm… Oh! Maybe a fucking life. What’s that, you say? You can’t buy lives? Well then, I guess he’s fucked!

Weirdo by =nest123454321

What is this weird thing?! Is it, human? No, it cant be: It looks too retarded to be a human! So what is this abomination? It’s head looks like it has bee-stings all over it’s face, yet the rest of the face is not red. nest123454321 was right: This drunken mess is fucking weird. Just not the way in the way he intended.

It looks like she doesn’t have whites to her eyes. Even the eyelashes look like some retard decided to glue hair to her eyelid on one end, and then below her eyebrow on the other. As I said, this is little more than a mess of lines. nest123454321 lacks the basic ability to add a new layer below the lines, and then selecting parts and colouring them in. It would get rid of the white and hopefully make it easier on the eyes. Our eyes, that is: I don’t think Weirdo’s eyes actually work.

Comission: Senorcheesekun by =nest123454321

“Comission?” Is that anything like a “Commission?” If it is, that means someone was actually willing to pay him – out of all the artists on all of deviantART – to spend all of 5 minutes of his time on dicking around with MSPaint or his Crayola crayons. Not worth it. One thing I might as well mention here is that he is a point junkie: He is a member of every point advertising group on dA. He will do literally anything for points (Including night shifts!). But this shit? He should be giving points to people to put these pieces of shit up on their pages.

This is the part where I start dissecting the picture itself, right? THIS IS A FUCKING ABOMINATION. You can’t even see the drawing properly because he used “Photo Booth” to take a picture of it! With rigid lines everywhere, horrible anatomy, and having such low image resolution that looking at it literally strains your eyes, the question must be asked: Why do people continue to encourage him as an artist? How has nobody told him he’s fucking trash at it? (Up until now, anyway)

Maybe he should start developing some other “talent.” Perhaps blinding people? He’d be good at that, wouldn’t he?

Request: Sempai-Kevin by =nest123454321

Yes, that’s right folks: nest123454321 also dabbles in animation! It came as a surprise to me too! What’s unsurprising is the fact that, like all his other submissions, it’s fucking terrible. I dare you – I fucking DEFY you – to point out a single decent thing in this animated GIF. You can’t. Because he did literally everything wrong. There’s so much wrong with it, I’m having a hard time even figuring out where to begin!

Remember back in 2000, when stick figure animations made in Flash were all the rage on Newgrounds? Wasn’t that a shitty year for animation? No matter how smooth you may manage to make the animation, or how much action you pack in, you’re still looking at a collection of lines and circles tweening across the screen. If there’s one positive thing to be said about nest123454321′s stick animations, it’s this: At least we can all agree they fucking suck. There are still people submitting stick animations to the Internet to this very day, and there is still an audience for them. I think even the most easily impressed 12-year old would fail to be impressed by nest123454321′s sorry displays.

Can you tell what’s supposed to be happening in this picture? Try and guess what’s going on, and then read the submission description below to see what nest123454321 intended for it to be. Compare your guess, and see how close you came.

somehow this stick figure is eating a donut!!!

If you guessed right, you are a more clever man than me. Either that, or you’re as retarded as nest123454321, and able to think on his low level. For those wondering, my guess was that the stick figure was standing still (based on the fact its legs never fucking move), and that the “donut” on the left-hand side was actually flying towards it. Only I didn’t think it was a donut: I just assumed it was some bad attempt at a fireball or some other “stick figure fighting” trope. I mean, how was I supposed to guess the stick figure was eating it? It’s not opening its mouth, or leaving any bite marks in it: It’s just shrinking really weirdly.

The rest of his gallery consists of submissions very similar to the three above: Shitty MS Paint renders, low-res photographs of his low-quality sketches, and his weak attempts at animation. As such, there’s no point in going over more than the three submissions I’ve already covered. But before I go, let me show you the worst submission from his gallery. Well, the worst I saw anyway. Which isn’t saying much, since I didn’t bother looking at too many of them.

Break Up by =nest123454321

And with that, I bid you “good day.”

If you enjoy poorly drawn stylistic art, emo cyberpunk aesthetics, and pretentious clever writing, then ”War of the Dogs” is the webcomic for you!

For far too long now, “artists” have been using “style” as a crutch for their poor artistic abilities. Have no idea how add depth? No worries: Chalk it up to a stylistic choice. No understanding of human anatomy? That’s alright: Just claim your character is SUPPOSED to look weird because it’s “artistic.”

Sure, different styles add variety, and some things can be made to look better when drawn in different ways. But most of these “artists” tend to forget that having a style does NOT automatically mean you have skill; especially when the style has no purpose or reason and is just used as an excuse to cover up a lack of skill. This excuse simply doesn’t cut it in the real world. For example – I can’t go to my office job, intentionally use the wrong numbers while putting together a presentation, and tell my boss I changed them to cover up my mistakes.

This is why these “stylistic” “artists” deserve to be told that their images are badly drawn, and that they should never be able to use “it’s supposed to look like that” as an excuse. One such “artist” is the subject of today’s article - Baconmoose (LOL what a random username!!! XD): A young man who’s “art style” makes you think he religiously watches Gorillaz music videos and plays Jet Set Radio daily.

U Jelly? –old by *Baconmoose

One of the many things that come to mind when looking at this image is “The creator of this image has never seen a human being in his life.” Right off the bat, any normal person could tell you that a human this skinny can not exist in the real world. If he did, his limbs would snap in half any time he tried to move. Look at how fucking tiny his arms are. His forearms are fat blobs by comparison! For Christ’s sake; his fucking stomach is as big as his forearms!

Then there’s the matter of his giant boots. How can those twig-legs of his possibly support those giant things in the air? And how long do his feet have to be for his boot to take up that much of his forelimb? His leg shouldn’t even be that long, his foot couldn’t possibly reach the actual inside of the boot, if worn like that. Of course I’m only talking about his right foot: I have no clue what’s going on with the left one. I guess it goes off into the distance, but how far is his leg stretching for the boot to look THAT tiny compared to the other? It doesn’t look like his left foot is further back: It just looks like it’s way smaller than his right one. It seems to me that BaconMoose has some serious problems with perspective.

The shadow is just completely wrong. The placement and angle of the shadow does not match up to the actual person at all. Instead of drawing a shadow of the person, it’s obvious that the “artist” simply copy-pasted the outline of the person, rotated it a bit, and colored it green. Hell, I wouldn’t even notice that the blob of green color behind him was even supposed to be his shadow, if it wasn’t for this bit in the description:

(The shadow being green was intentional symbolism OOOOH LOOKIT ME I’M CLEVAR.)

So the “artist” claims that it is supposed to be a shadow. Then, he goes on to say that the shadow is green because of “intentional symbolism” (??). Pray tell me, Baconmoose: What is it supposed to symbolize? You bring it up in the description so that you can credit yourself as being clever, but you forget to tell us what green is symbolic of. Is it greed? Envy? Marijuana? Inquiring minds would like to know!

SPOILER ALERT: It doesn’t symbolize anything. He just thought it would look cool.

Taylor Nurse–old by *Baconmoose

Old picture I did for an ex of mine. His character Taylor dressed as a Silent Hill nurse. I still liked this drawing a lot and stuff I guess.

Is Taylor a male or female character? Looking at the drawing’s face, it certainly looks male. Let’s just assume it’s a drawing of a transvestite dressing up as a Silent hill nurse, and leave it at that. Also note the “PSYCHO” quality to it, with white edges like a bad photo, and blood splatters everywhere. Because, for reasons totally unknown to anyone, idiots seem to mistake gratuitous blood and framing mistakes for “style.”

Looking at the drawing itself, there is no sense of perspective at all (again). Let’s begin by checking out his/her legs: From the angle and position of the drawing, I see that his/her right leg is smaller than his/her left one, because it’s SUPPOSED to be further back than the left one. The problem is that it DOESN’T ACTUALLY look like that. Instead, it looks like his/her right leg is disgustingly misshapen, shorter, and all-around tinier than his/her left leg.

There’s a similar thing going on with his/her arms, although in reverse – his/her left arm looks smaller and weaker than his/her right one. The difference here is that I can’t even blame this on lack of a sense of perspective, since his/her left arm isn’t hanging back in the distance – it’s going down his/her side. Well, his/her right arm is a little bit closer forward, due to going over his/her chest, but how huge is his/her chest and how long is his/her arm, for the right arm to look THAT MUCH bigger than the left one? And what the hell is going on with her shoulders? His/Her right shoulder looks so fat, and then it suddenly does a wave down to her actual arm. Compare that with how flat and skinny his/her left shoulder looks – it’s just all wrong. Also, his/her hat is wrong as well – it’s way too big and misshapen, it makes it look like his/her face is too small for his/her head.

Did you get all that? In case you didn’t, let me sum up those last two paragraphs for you: Baconmoose fucking sucks at perspective and anatomy. Actually, that’s a pretty good summation of the entire article! But hey, I still have space to fill, so forward ho!

That one pic of Hitomi by *Baconmoose

Dear Jesus, what is going on here? It just looks like a mash-up of a series of random colorful shapes placed over each other, resulting in something that vaguely resembles an image. I think I see a person in the middle of it all, though. At least, I think it’s a person. Thank God for that light-blue highlight behind her, otherwise she would be lost in the sea of colors.

So, let’s take a close look at this drawing, and see if we can avoid having a seizure in the process. How much more “Japanese” could the “artist” squeeze into this thing? The background is basicly everything that a western nerd thinks of when someone mentions Japan. The only thing missing is for Hitomi (totally cool western name) to be holding a samurai sword and shouting something about ninjas (or SHINOBI).

So, where the hell is Hitomi’s right arm at? I can see her hand and parts of her forearm, but that’s about it. Is it supposed to be behind her back, holding that comically oversized sniper rifle? Why the hell would she need to hide her arm behind her back so far? So the sniper scope can rest nicely in her elbow? Nope, because the scope ISN’T resting in her elbow. It looks to me like she’s just holding it that way so it would be easier for the “artist” to position the rifle, without having to fuck around with drawing a normal looking arm in there as well.

There’s also a weird thing going on where her torso seems vertically way too long, which in turn makes her breasts look way too low on her chest. Also the complete lack of depth here makes her head look flat somehow. On the bright side, looking at this picture sent me into diabetic shock, which gave me a nice break from having to look at Baconmoose’s art for a bit.

Old Stan by *Baconmoose

I’ve saved the best for last. This drawing is just completely awful, in every considerable aspect. Every recurring problem in BaconMoose’s drawings come together in perfect lack of harmony here. Primarily, the fact that he simply can’t do depth or perspective at all, and also his cheap attempts to make the drawing “edgy” and stylish”.

Stan’s face is a deformed mess. His right eye is way too big compared to the left one and his nose is completely misplaced. His gun doesn’t in any way even remotely resemble a gun. As you can see, it looks like the actual body of the gun is so short that the trigger itself takes up the whole length. It doesn’t even look like he’s holding the gun – his hand is placed on it, as if he is just sort of resting his hand on it, like it’s a handrail. Also, his index finger on the trigger somehow looks like a pinky.

You may also notice the dominant colors of the drawing are BLACK and RED. You see, having already ruined his drawings by making them crazy masses of random assortments of colors, BaconMoose has decided to try out the opposite spectrum of “stylish drawings” – making them “moody” and “edgy” by using nothing but Red and Black. I’m surprised he didn’t go all out and swap out the character in picture for Shadow The Hedgehog.

Now, before anyone tries defending Baconmoose (Including Baconmoose himself), by saying something like “most of these are ‘old’ drawings,” or that “he himself admits that they are ‘not very good’,” you should take a look at his webcomic series, War of the Dogs. If you take a quick read through it, you’ll notice that his art style does NOT improve, even in recent entries. If anything, it looks even WORSE than his individual submissions, with even worse fucked up proportions and all the other usual complaints. Hell, he can’t even keep his art style consistent, with every page looking like it was drawn by a different person.

In addition to penning his obscure webcomic, Baconmoose is also available for commissions! However, he seems absolutely reticent about actually making money off of them. By which I mean, his rates are exorbitantly high, and his attitude is dog shit. In this thread hot off the METOKUR Forums, our beloved Baggot attempts to haggle Baconmoose down from a ridiculous 40-dollar price tag, only to be completely dismissed.

Bottom line: Baconmoose is a talentless excuse for an “artist” and there is no excuse for any of these drawings.

Ah, the wonderful world of bases. In what other form of so-called “art” do so-called “artists” submit their works, and actually hope it will be stolen by dozens of other people? What is perhaps more amazing than the fact people like this exist – without a shred of shame or artistic integrity – is how quickly the concept was accepted on deviantART. There are thousands of users on deviantART who’s galleries consist almost entirely of other user’s bases.

It should come as no surprise that some of the worst “art” on dA is derived from bases, and that most of the worst “artists” on dA are pre-teen girls who actually think that their based art qualifies as “kawaii desu.” Now, before you go accusing me of sexism for picking out “pre-teen girls,” remember what the concept of base art has it’s roots in: Barbie ”fashion dolls,” which are marketed entirely at pre-teen girls. Drawing over bases is a natural progression from dressing up toy dolls. Alternatively, it is also a viable alternative for girls too poor to afford actual toys.

Dancing base by !pokemonloveme88

Before we get started here, let’s cover the user name first: ”Pokemon love me?” Looks like it’s time to issue the “Furry Alert!” But wait; there’s more! Her account is actually already banned from dA due to her being underage. Well, welcome aboard, you sick disgusting child.

Now, onto the base itself. What needs to be said about it that can’t be seen from a cursory glance? I suppose the only question is what unfortunate species do these characters belong to? They clearly aren’t human: That’s for goddamn sure! The description really is the best part of this submission.

Rules:

1: Do anything you want
2: You can change genders
3. No need to adk
4: NO FRANKDOLLING!
5. give me credit
6. give me link
7. have fun

If you want me to see the base, show me in my page.

1. So, I can scribble all over it and make of mess of it then? Wait, you’ve already done that! What’s there even left for me to do, then?

2. ”Genders?” You’re telling me these amorphous blobs have genders? What the fuck are they? Inquiring minds would like to know!

3. I don’t know what this is, and I don’t care.

4. Frankly, this base IS an example of “frankendolling.” No, it’s worse than that: It’s just pure shit, plain and simple.

5. What? Are you seriously worried about someone stealing this and claiming this as their own? Are you concerned that you won’t be able to put this submission in your portfolio when you apply to art school 10 years down the road?

6. So, you want to see the shit that people did to your base. A fair request, I suppose. But you see, the problem is, nobody WANTS to use your — Wait! Hold on! It looks as if I was mistaken! Apparently, there are hundreds of deviants who are interested in using your base!

Meet the #DancingBaseFanClub: A dA group which – as of the posting of this article – has over 300 members, and roughly 250 submissions to their gallery. For a minute or two, let’s forget that a large number of the group’s members aren’t much better at art than pokemonloveme88 herself: Let’s just focus on the fact that such a large number of users were able to come together, realize how shitty another user’s submission was, and submit their own submissions mocking it.

In honor of this group, I submit my own humble tribute:

i wuv you by ~bitchthatkills

Isn’t it so pretty? I made it myself! It took me, like, 30 minutes. 20 minutes on the hair alone! Oh, but I nearly forgot! We have one more bullet point to cover. I suppose we should get that out of the way then, shouldn’t we?

7. I did have fun pokemonloveme88. I truly and honestly did. But alas, it’s time to move on.

.:: Duckie Butt Base ::. by ~xRaveGoneWrongx

Lol another Soul Eater base .w.
Tiz a Blair base. Blair is such a kyutie >w<
Feel free to use .w.

Tracing  base from a snapshot of an anime? This has to be the height of non-creativity right here, folks. There isn’t a single original pixel in this entire submission, or any of the submissions based on it. And why wouldn’t someone base their base art on it? Other than the misshapen back, lack of teeth, and lack of anti-aliasing on any the lines, of course. But hey, the girl has a pair of huge tits! And on dA, that’s all that matters! For proof, check the statistics on this submission:

Comments: 161
Favourites: 802
Views: 24,405
Downloads: 856

It’s like they always say: “Big tits do the trick!” Now, lets look at one last twisted base.

Nnoitra x Oc base by ~YummehCrayons

Before we cover the submission itself, can I please take a second to point out YummehCrayon’s avatar?

“Look everybody! My username is random and my icon moves! Obviously, I am a professional artist!”

WRONG.

This base is a badly drawn, creepy mess of lines. The bleeding wound doesn’t follow the shape of a basic face. The man(?) on the left looks like he has boobs, and the chick on the right probably spends her nights wishing her boobs weren’t totally misshapen. Why exactly is she licking his cut anyway? Is she supposed to be some sort of vampire fetish thing, or is she just a sick freak in general? Well, she is the OC of a weeaboo (As if anyone other than weeaboos actually create OCs) who happens to be obsessed with the series Bleach, which I’m pretty sure is about keeping clothes from getting dirty or something. Maybe she’s trying to keep the blood from dripping onto his pants or something. Fuck if I know.

In conclusion, bases are a simple way out, created by simple-minded deviants for use by other simple-minded deviants. It’s just that simple.

Much like the furfags, weebs, and other undesirables of our world, fat ugly girls also turn to deviantART to escape their miserable lives. Today, we’re going to talk about a very SPECIAL group of camwhores known as “gamer girls.” You wouldn’t think that having a gallery that consists mostly of bad photoshops and amateur modelling would draw much attention, but among the other social rejects that populate dA, gamer girls actually manage to find the attention they so desperately seek.

Their self esteem is so far down the shitter, that just a few pageviews are enough to satisfy them, and some of them even develop full blown GOTIS. Gamer girls believe that the combination of having a nasty fish vagina and a Nintendo Wii actually makes them special. In reality, they have no talent, online or otherwise. They forget that no man IRL will ever touch them.

Get ready to feast your eyes on some true ~*~GaMeR ChIcKs~*~!!!! <3

Labeled: Gamer by *Vampirekiss23

In this first photograph, Vampirekiss23 attempts to bust the myth that gamer girls “MUST be ugly.” Ironically, in the process of doing so, she actually manages to confirm the myth, by confirming that she is ugly both inside and out. No amount of make-up or hair-dye can hide the fact that she is empty inside; willing to sell her soul to get herself a man. In the meantime, she’ll have to settle for horny nerds online, who lack the  confidence or the courage to court her in real life. Hardly fulfillment, if you ask me. Keep chasing that rainbow!

C: My treasure… by ~KailaHiwatari

Here we see gamer girl Kalia crawling around on the floor amidst piles of crap hugging an XBox 360. If that wasn’t sad enough, she has the most terrified expression. It’s like she’s afraid someone is going to rape her and steal away her video games. Speaking of rape, with all the tranny makeup smeared across her face, she bears a striking resemblance to a Thai hooker (The joke here being that all Thai hookers look alike). Maybe that’s why she’s scared? ”Daddy’s coming home to put her on the corner  again…”

Cell phone camera quality and cliché photoshop effects aside, the best part of this deviation is the submitter’s very own description.

Well this is my entry for the contest

This is my life, between in a real world and a fictional world 

I have two plataforms PS2 and XBOX 360 but I decide that this picture I show my 360 -Named Nero xD- and is my treasure because I love it!!

I need buy a new camara xD

If you use video games to desperately cling to non-existent fantasies, then you have serious mental issues. I can only imagine Kalia’s life IRL must be pretty lonely, considering she’s an emo kid who’s only friend is a gaming console [which she gave a name to, no less]. I wonder if she sits around talking to it as well? Why someone would advertize something like this on the internet, let alone be proud of it, is beyond me.

Moving on from Kalia, let’s meet Tainted-Kayla, one of the biggest camwhores dA has to offer. She is a solid mix of goth, self proclaimed catgirl weeaboo, and – you guessed it - gamer girl desu!!!!!!! She also happens to be a legitimate crazy person, who once checked herself in to a mental hospital to deal with voices in her head. I’m not making this up.

Playing Naked is Onyxceptable, I luff guns,

Chocolate Syrup 7, and Tony by *Tainted-Kayla

Contrary to the title of this submission, nothing has ever made me hate the PS2 more than looking at this disgusting display. Get a load of that messy fucking backdrop: Raelyan’s home appears to be in as much in disarray as Raelyan herself is. With a kimono imported directly from the local dollar store, a bra that’s barely hanging on, and a pink controller to match the pink acne on her face, Raelyan actually manages to pull off the “weeaboo gamer girl” look perfectly! Now, if only it were a look worth looking at.

Listen up hambeasts: Anyone who defines themselves with such a petty label such as “gamer” (male or female) is a complete idiot. To label yourself as a gamer girl is to say there’s nothing more to your character than  ”I have a vagina” and “I can beat guys at video games.”  No one respects a group of whores fishing for compliments, and that’s one of the reasons why no one takes women seriously. Ever. If you ever wanted to prove some feminist bullshit, by bragging about how you can totally ~~pwnerize~~ men or whatever, you should know that you’ve done no favors for your gender. You’re fucking ugly, annoying as fuck, and not special or entitled in the slightest.

Now, if I may end on the oldest cliché in the book: Get back to the kitchen. Or, you can go ahead and get off of deviantART. Whichever is easier.

When I first stumbled upon RogueWarrior869′s profile on deviantART, my initial thought was “Finally! Someone else on dA with an appreciation for Richard ‘Demo Dick’ Marcinko: Perhaps the single most bad-assed bad-ass the world has ever known!” However, after browsing RogueWarrior869′s profile and gallery for nearly an hour, I couldn’t find a single mention of Mr. Marcinko anywhere! Instead of being assaulted by the M16-wielding “Sharkman of the Delta,” my eyes were assaulted by images of yaoi, yuri, and other assorted anime bullshit!

Needless to say, I was severely disappointed.

As something of an unofficial hype man for Mr. Marcinko, I found that it is my duty to protect his image. And what better way to do so by putting this unworthy, goddamn cock-breathed Commie motherfucker in her place? Trust me: You morons will love this.

My Deviant ID. by ~RogueWarrior869

This first piece illustrates RW869′s incompetence as a freehand artist (Which is why the bulk of submissions in her gallery are based on bases). Immediately, her admiration for the rich and deep culture of Japan anime and manga is made apparent, by her pathetic attempt to emulate anime-style art. If looking at her shitty anime-inspired art wasn’t sign enough, there’s also the fact that the words “Anime” and “Mangd” [sic] are floating next to her head. Or am I inferring too much?

The anatomy – as you should come to expect from most submissions we review here at DCQC – is fucking terrible. RW869′s fursona looks like a reject from Hey Arnold, complete with oversized misshapen head and elongated neck. Also, is that supposed to be a tail to the right of her, or an extension of her hair? I wouldn’t be so quick to put the latter past her, seeing as how fucking long her hair seems to be.

Well, I wanted an actual ID that was not my Gaia avatar. I really need to go back there and od more. Anyway I drew everything here myself and I am a neko fan if you cannot tell.XD.

Plus I suck at drawing people ears and this was was more fun.
Gotta thank my mom for helping out with helping pick out my eye color. I have a weird shade of blue-green eyes.
Also for giving some honest opinions about whatever I asked her while working on this.

So later then.^^.

RW869′s weeaboo status is further confirmed by her subscription to Gaia Online (Big fucking surprise), and use of obnoxious text emoticons. She does admit to being awful at drawing “people ears,” though she seems to forget that she’s also awful at drawing just about everything else as well. The most funny admission in this description is the fact that she showed this work-in-progress to her mother, who she claims gave “honest opinions” about the piece. If her mother had a shred of honesty in her, or an inkling of hope left in her daughter’s future, she’d have told her the REAL truth: That her art is absolutely terrible, and that she should give up on art immediately.

Kirby fun by ~RogueWarrior869

Inkscape, I think I love you. 
Inkscape is a vector program, hence it being in the vector category.

I had a little fun with the circle and star tools. After that, I loaded it in msPaint and added the blue and white to the eyes and spent a few minutes on the mouth before just leaving it black.

Disclaimer: I own this fanart and Kirby is owned by Nintendo.

Holy shit. Somehow, RW869 found a way to fuck up the single easiest-to-draw character in the history of all video games. Clearly, her incompetence as an artist knows no bounds. Incredibly, this wasn’t done entirely in MSPaint: Parts of this were actually done in Inkscape… Before she decided to import it into MSPaint to add the “finishing touches.” That is the art equivalent of starting an essay in Microsoft Word, before importing it to Notepad to add all the punctuation marks. Clearly, she couldn’t figure out how to use anything other than the circle and star tools in Inkscape (ie; The “Pen” tool), proving that she is as incompetent at computer software as she is at art.

If there’s any upside to this submission, it’s that she does declare in the description that she doesn’t mind if people don’t provide an accompanying comment should they happen to favorite this submission. Luckily, even if she were the type to complain about that sort of thing, it wouldn’t matter much, seeing as 0 users have favorited it.

Season 1: Female Kai Hiwatari. by ~RogueWarrior869

And so begins the nasty business of critiquing some art based on bases. Once again, RW869 defies all odds by managing to take something as simple as editing a base, and fucking it up completely. To be fair, the original base itself is pretty ugly in it’s own right; but RW869′s edit puts it over the edge.

Looking at the upper body, it looks like a kindergartener’s failed attempt to color within the lines with a dull old crayon. We have hair overlapping where it shouldn’t, gaps in the character’s dumb-looking gloves, and a failed attempt at adding detail to the shirt. The lower body shows exactly why MSPaint is the laughing stock of the whole artistic community, and why MSPainters are not counted among the ranks of real artists: Those pants couldn’t be more fucking jagged if they were covered with rusty razor blades. The belt is a series of inconsistently shaped and sized rectangles, no doubt added using none other than the “Rectangle” tool itself.

Finally! Had so much trouble this morning I just quit and came back earlier to figure this out. Had to scale down the original size. 

My first time using a base. It was in MSpaint. I am well aware of what I messed and that is supposed to be a ‘H’ on the belt but looks like a deformed ‘K’.

Link to the base used:
[link]

Credit for the base: ~Teufelspentagramm

Disclaimer: Beyblade is own by Aoki Takao.

Do bases count as mixed media?

If RW869 is “well aware of what [she] messed,” why then did she choose to submit it anyway? Why didn’t she make attempts to fix the problems before deciding she was finished? Whatever the reason, we’re the ones who suffer for it, having to bear witness to this abortion of a submission. Oh, and by the way: Bases don’t count as mixed media, you dolt. If you had bothered to look up the definition of mixed media… Oh, who am I fucking kidding? That would require effort, which means you clearly can’t be bothered with it.

I’ve looked at about as much of her artwork as I can take. How about we move on to some of her fan fiction? Wait, I’m sorry: I meant to say SLASH fiction. Of the 200+ groups she claims membership to (Thus stretching out her dA profile to a ridiculous length, as many deviants are prone to do), I guesstimate about 100 of them have something or other to do with “Yaoi / Yuri pairings.” She’s also involved in a number of pro-”Boy Love” groups (1, 2, 3), which allows me to officially classify her as a pedophile**. In fact, the characters in the following slashfic I am about to post are both aged 13 from what I can gather (Knowing literally nothing about Beyblade off-hand). But for now, let’s put aside whatever opinions we may have regarding homosexuality and pedophilia, and judge this piece based solely on it’s own merits.

ReiKai: Rain. by ~RogueWarrior869

Fanfiction:
Fandom: Bakuten shoot! Beyblade
Pairing: Rei Kon x Kai Hiwatari.

Warnings: Male slash, shounen-ai level fluff, out of character-ness.
First time writing ReiKai.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
He knew he wouldn’t be acknowledged by the younger blader when he entered the room. Although he knew Kai was very much aware that he was there.

Rei shook his head slightly seeing the dual blunette once again engrossed in one of his rarer activities. When something seemingly personal was bothering him, he didn’t say anything and went off to be alone. He’d only ever seen Kai do this twice and each time he had been sitting in front of a window staring out at whatever was to be seen, and like the last time he had found him in his silent state, it was raining, hard.
No thunder or lightning, just a long, hard Summer rain.

Knowing better than to try and pry as to what was wrong, he walked over to where Kai was sitting and sat down not far behind him. Spreading his legs slightly, he leaned forward and wrapped his arms around the dual blunette and pulled him up against his chest.

He mentally let out a sigh of relief when no form or protest was made and Kai relaxed into him. Still keeping silent but Rei expected that.
Rei wasn’t sure how much time had passed since he had arrived. He did notice though that the rain had only let up just a sliver and Kai’s eyes were now barely open.

Carefully, he laid them both back so they were each on their side and after doing so, Kai wordlessly turned over so he was facing Rei and had his knees drawn up slightly.

He barely felt the blanket that was placed over the both of them, his crimson eyes already shut. “You know you can tell me anything, right?” He barely caught the Chinese bladers voice.

He’d known the answer to that for awhile. He just wasn’t ready yet. “I know.” He whispered, consciousness fading into a dreamless sleep.

So we open with a series of poorly-punctuated run-on sentences, which – as you may already know – is a great way to open any piece of writing. It seems RW869 likes using more words than is necessary to describe things, helping add to the overabundance of the aforementioned run-on sentences. Furthermore, the already failed attempt at setting the mood is further ruined by an awful attempt at innuendo (“[...] just a long, hard Summer rain.”). On the bright side, the intro does set the tone for the rest of the piece! (Which is to say, it’s awful)

You can tell from this piece that RW869 has a lot of experience with relationships. No, wait; I’m sorry! What I meant to say was, “RW869 has absolutely no experience with relationships.” Funny how I mix those two up sometimes! Real humans don’t interact with each other this way: Relationships don’t work the way television and movies (Least of all anime and children’s cartoons) typically portray them as working. But seeing as this is a fault common among all fan fiction writers – if not all writers in general – perhaps I should just let it slide and leave her to her misconceptions. After all, we’re discussing a girl here who thinks that relationships between adult men and pre-teen boys have an unfair reputation.

What’s most off-putting, perhaps, is the sudden interjection of silly-sounding terms from the series [presumably]. One minute, it sounds like RW869 is trying to set a somber tone; the next, she’s referring to one of the characters as a “blader,” which brings to mind images of an 90′s rollerblader in denim shorts. Also, can I ask what the fuck a “dual blunette” is? At first, I assumed it was a typo of “brunette,” but after Googling it, I found around 260 results for it. All I know is, it sounds dumb as hell, as does the rest of this dumb show. I mean, come the fuck on: Kids battling each other with spinning tops? That’s a more blatant attempt at merchandising than fucking Yu-Gi-Oh!.

In conclusion: RW869 is as shitty a writer as she is an artist. It just so happens that she is also a shitty human being. Between her being an admitted pedophile and being a talentless artist, she’s also a physical and emotional wreck. Honestly, it’s even hard for me to tell where the crazy begins and the attention-seeking ends. There are only two things I know for sure: She would be much better off without the Internet to exasperate her problems,  and the Internet would be a better place without her. In the words of “The Geek” himself: “Drop dead motherfucker, you fucking amateur.“

**Does “NAMBLA” have an official dA group? They should look into starting one: They’d have a thousand watchers within the first week if they marketed it right.

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