Back in the 80′s, the “My Little Pony” franchise was aimed specifically at girls, both in toy lines and animated adventures. Flash forward to this space year 2012… And MLP is still deliberately marketed and designed with pre-teen girls in mind. Yet somehow, for reasons unknown, fat neckbeards have taken to the show like they do to Naruto and Final Fantasy.

In the face of well-deserved ridicule and mockery by the rest of the Internet at large, more and more sheltered young men are proclaiming themselves to be “Bronies,” admitting their love for the recent animated series spawned by the MLP franchise. I’m pretty sure the whole fad started off with goons ironically quoting it and putting down 5 dollars for pony avatars on the Something Awful forums, but I’ve heard people tell me it started off un-ironically on 4chan’s /co/. The fact of the matter is, it doesn’t really matter how or where it started: What’s important to note (for the purpose of this article) is that once Bronies made it to deviantART, we were all doomed to deal with some of the worst art to hit the web in a long time.

MLP fan art ranges from “pure shit” to “pure horror.” As far as the percentages are concerned, there seems to be an even split between “innocent” and pure pony porn. To MLP’s credit, this is a better balance than most franchises featuring anthropomorphic creatures seem to strike. Case in point; the Star Fox franchise, which seems to inspire roughly 9 pornographic pieces of fan art for every 1 worksafe image. On the other hand, the fact that MLP still inspires any amount of porn is goddamn terrifying.

It’s not often we include warnings in articles here on DCQC, but I feel one is necessary for this article. For the purpose of getting across how awful fans of MLP are – not only as artists, but as human beings in general - we’ll be showing illustrated pony porn in this article. So, if looking at drawn animal porn upsets you - WHICH IT FUCKING SHOULD - you should probably stop reading now.

Fluttershy by ~Pyruvate

Believe it or not, I’m actually easing you into this article with this deviation. I like to think that light bondage ranks fairly low in the rankings for unorthodox fetishes. I mean, bondage is child’s play when stacked up against shit like vore – which we will also be touching upon later on in this article. Hey, speaking of children, I feel like I should reiterate the point that MLP is a cartoon show marketed towards children. Also, from what I understand, the characters in the show are children / teenagers as well? (NOTE TO SELF:  File this article under the “Pedophilia” category.)

I think might understand how the artist correlated ball-gags with MLP. You see, “toys” are a common slang term for sexual aids. And, as I mentioned earlier, the MLP brand began as a toy line. See the connection? Pyruvate sure did! And the world is a worse place for it. Credit where credit is due: The artist is able to match the show’s art style fairly close. Which, to be fair, isn’t all that difficult. The problem is, this makes it very easy for impressionable children to accidentally stumble upon this particular submission. With a title and description simply citing the character’s name, and the failure on the artist’s part to tag the image as “Explicit,” it’s not difficult to imagine a scenario where a child might be looking for Fluttershy fan art on deviantART, and unwittingly click on the thumbnail without noticing the fact that their favorite pony is in prime position to be raped. For a fandom centered around friendliness and tolerance, Bronies sure don’t seem to give a shit about corrupting younger fans of the show!

Those condoms won’t save you by ~thebunnyden

First things first: What is the title of this piece meant to imply? That the pony pictured has a sexually transmitted disease so contagious that it doesn’t even require fluid transfer in order for her partner to contract it? Perhaps something airborne? If this is the case, posing seductively and inviting people to have sex with her is incredibly reckless (Assuming, of course, she is aware she has a STD). Also, if “those condoms won’t save you,” why is she holding three of them? I understand that it might be one for each hole: My point is that it’s deceptive to offer them if you’re going to contract this apparently unstoppable, presumably un-curable disease. Or maybe the odd title is the result of some mistranslation from Italian – the artist’s native language – to English.

ITA: regalino per taliesinthedragoon taliesinthedragoon Finalmente. Sono 2 mesi che cerco di finire quest’immagine e non ci riesco. Provo e riprovo ma NIENTE. Finalmente è completa…. O quasi. Già perché doveva essere colorata, infatti è la colorazione che mi ha dato rogne (la china era completa molto tempo fà). Ad un certo punto ho smesso -.- spero che ti piaccia comunque Tal, ce l’ho messa tutta e almeno la china è venuta bene. Cazzo un tempo ci avrei messo un giorno a finire una pic così, stò perdendo motivazione ._. spero vi piaccia.

ENG: gift for taliesinthedragoon taliesinthedragoon Finally. It’s been two months since i’ve tried to finish this pic and i reallly couldn’t. I tried and tried again but NOTHING. Finally it’s complete… Or quite. Yeah beacause this has to be coloured, in fact it’s the colouration that gave me problems (the ink was ready a long time ago). At some point i stopped -.- i hope you’ll like it anyway Tal, i put all my efforts into it. At least the ink came out well. Fuck, some time ago i could have completed a picture like this in one day, i’m loosing motivation ._. Enjoy.

Well, that description was certainly enlightening! Apparently, the decision to submit this as lineart was based solely on the artist’s own laziness, and unwillingness to bother inking the damn thing. Bear in mind that this is supposedly a gift for another user: A show of gratitude or admiration. And yet, the artist couldn’t even be bothered to finish it? Shows how much he cares for “taliesinthedragoon!” On that subject, I’ve always been sort of curious about artists who are commissioned / compelled to draw porn for their fans. It always struck me as a sort of odd, awkward gesture. It’s sort of like saying, “Hey, you and I have been friends online for a long time, so I decided to draw a picture of a naked horse for you. Do with it what you will! By which I mean, masturbate furiously to it.”

I suppose you’ll be wanting me to critique the picture itself. What do you want me to say? It’s not drawn badly: It’s just terrifying to know that someone thought of the idea of drawing a horse with huge tits posing provocatively, and then committed that same idea to paper. The artist obviously has a somewhat unique style, and an adequate of anatomy. There’s not much to say other than that.

… Well, maybe there’s a few things. I’m not sure if the weird lump beneath the pony’s crotch is some sort of weird censorship thing, or maybe some sort of horrible hidden penis or something. The way the horn seems to blend in to the forehead is kind of weird, in the same way that the areola isn’t drawn as a complete circle on her breast. I’m fairly certain these last two issues were meant to be resolved when the picture was fully colored. The problem is, the artist never got around to that. I’m sure he’ll eventually submit a fully inked version at some point in the near future. Maybe he’ll even grace us with a 3rd edition with some hideous filter effects layered on for good measure, God willing!

SxRD: Not So Fast Now… by ~SammiTheHedgie

What’s a DCQC article without a Sonic the Hedgehog crossover or a vore picture? I figured I might as well kill two birds with one stone with this one. Or should I say… TWO PONIES? ahahahahaha oh god i am a comic genius. I was ready to share my comedic wit with SammiTheHedgie via a comment on her submission, but was disappointed to find that she had disabled comments like a spineless coward after having received a few mean messages from the dA meanies! As she elaborates in the submission’s description:

Edit: 1/18/12: Because you children don’t know how to take a fucking joke, I’ve disabled comments. I have enough with the spam and trolling. I’ve reported so much spam, that it’s ridiculous. So……all you trolls suck ass, and need to shut the fuck up and LEAVE ME ALONE. It was just a joke for crying out loud. Stop being butthurt bitches. So if you don’t like this picture, you can’t baww at me anymore. Go baww to someone who actually gives two shits about your opinion. Because I don’t. >:/

So, there you have it, you fucking asshole trolls: Because you didn’t get the punchline in this obviously satirical and not-at-all fetishistic piece of art, Sammi had no choice but to disable the comments. I mean, it’s not her fault you’re all “butthurt” about the picture – an overused term which totally doesn’t describe Sammi’s own reaction to the situation. She clearly doesn’t give two shits about your opinions… As made evident by the fact that she disabled the option for anybody to submit to her their opinions. I see nothing hypocritical in her explanation for her decision, and nothing amusing about her handling of the situation. That being said, the only fault I could find in her explanation is her declaration that it is no longer possible to “baww at her anymore,” which I will prove wrong by complaining about the quality of her picture using this article.

Markers and crayons are for children. I can never get over how unprofessional / unfitting they are when used for illustrations meant to be posted online. I guess the fact that both MLP and Sonic are series intended for children might justify the use of amateur tools. But all that means is that the picture itself is of an amateur quality. Many of the outlines are jagged / extend too far, while the coloring frequently escapes outside the lines. There’s something odd about the way that Rainbow Dash’s arms bend, with her forearms seeming to be double the length of her upper arm. If the “X-Ray” frame is supposed to be exact size, it looks as if Sonic is slightly too big to fit in the bulge depicted. Either that, or Sonic is far smaller than Rainbow Dash, which I imagine would complicate the idea of a pairing between the two (Which Sammi comes out in support of in the description).

If I had to point out one feature, it would be the excessive amount of “cartoon emoting” by Sonic. Not only does he have a sour look on his face: He’s also blushing, has a huge anime sweat-bead pouring down his face, a bright red vein on the side of his head, AND an ellipsis inside a speech bubble! All we’re missing is the steam coming out of his ears. But that would burn the inside of Rainbow Dash’s stomach, which Sonic obviously wouldn’t do to her. After all, in Sammi’s mind, these two are ~~in love~~.

Special Treatment by ~NostalgiaGamerJS

Now we’re in the thick of it! I’m going to go out on a limb here and say that Lauren Faust probably didn’t envision her fans envisioning her characters in these kind of scenarios. Then again, she probably didn’t imagine her fans drawing up Powerpuff Girls porn either. But enough about how out of place porn should be in a fandom like this: Let’s talk about anatomy. Our would-be pornographer doesn’t seem to have a good grasp of it. I get a weird “Pico’s School” vibe from how short and stubby the hind legs are relative to the arms. Not to mention, how the arms seem to curve impossibly smoothly, without any sort of bending at the joint.

These issues are compounded by the fact that the picture is completely flat, lacking any sort of depth whatsoever. For example, with the mares, you can only see the one hind leg facing towards the viewer, completely and conveniently hiding the leg behind them. If there’s any one genre of art that absolutely needs to pop out, it’s porn. How else are you supposed to get a sense of how large the stallion’s gigantic, throbbing cock is, before it shoots salty semen all over oh wait I am getting way too descriptive about this the readers might begin to suspect that I’m a disgusting fu… Wait, what was I talking about again? Oh, right: Flat characters look like fucking garbage.

The plain black background probably doesn’t help the situation at all. Then again, a detailed one probably wouldn’t fix anything either, would it? After all, we’re dealing with an artist so incompetent, they can’t even make their text readable. How the fuck do you fuck up brightly colored lettering on a pure black background? By adding a completely unnecessary gradient to them, apparently. One more question that needs answering: Is Twilight Sparkle choking the dude horse? Is this supposed to be some erotic asphyxiation bullshit going on? Jesus Christ: I don’t even want to touch this shit with a six-foot pole. Or even a six-foot, red-hot horse cock, all lubed up and ready for OH GOD WHAT IS HAPPENING TO ME

Well, that’s about as much as I can take. It’s seriously exhausting to look at some of this shit; like a constant drain on my psyché.

There’s no denying the crossover between Bronies and furries. The fascination of grown men in the series doesn’t have anything to do with the supposed “comedy for all audiences”: It’s their attraction to the characters, whether it’s sexual or otherwise (But mostly sexual). Bronies watch the show because they relate to or admire the characters. It’s why they buy the figures – and consequently, why Hasbro is making a fucking killing selling figures. And if you obsess over something… ANYTHING long enough, your mind eventually goes to that dark place imagining the sexual implications of it.

The primary problem with Bronies is their unwarranted pride in their fandom. In the same way that “Aspergian Pride” or being proud of any sort of mental defect is ridiculous, so is being proud to be a social outcast. That’s really what being a member of the fandom boils down to: Camaraderie in being oddities. It’s why many fans relate to the Fluttershy character and her social awkwardness. A story that sticks out in my mind I read a few months back, when fellow contributor Lmte showed me a thread on “PonyChan” where a Brony told a sob story about meeting his father for the first time in years for dinner, with the night ending in a shouting match between the two. While he sat sobbing in his car, the Brony spoke of squeezing his Fluttershy plushie in his hand to calm himself. If that isn’t the very definition of “pathetic,” I don’t know what is. And yet, the poster’s fellow Bronies all came to support him, and to enable his literally child-like behavior.

Which leads us to the second biggest problem with Bronies: Their obliviousness of the fact that they share this fandom with children. These people seriously forget that on the same imageboards and art submission services they are posting pony porn, there are innocent children looking for desktop wallpapers of Rarity doing some horse shit or something. And in the search for that – as I theorized before – it would not be difficult for an impressionable youth to stumble upon something like one today’s submissions. That’s kind of fucked up, isn’t it?

So Bronies; go ahead and dismiss this entire article by posting “I’m going to love and tolerate the shit out of you!!!,” or whatever other dumb bullshit you lot like to spew. Keep trying to kill detractors with kindness, or ignoring the claims made against you. Keep on exposing children to cartoon porn, the same way Sonic fans and Star Fox fans and every other furry fandom inadvertently does. Luckily for you guys, you have some highly reputable representatives maintaining your public image. Especially here on dear old deviantART.com.

When I first stumbled upon RogueWarrior869′s profile on deviantART, my initial thought was “Finally! Someone else on dA with an appreciation for Richard ‘Demo Dick’ Marcinko: Perhaps the single most bad-assed bad-ass the world has ever known!” However, after browsing RogueWarrior869′s profile and gallery for nearly an hour, I couldn’t find a single mention of Mr. Marcinko anywhere! Instead of being assaulted by the M16-wielding “Sharkman of the Delta,” my eyes were assaulted by images of yaoi, yuri, and other assorted anime bullshit!

Needless to say, I was severely disappointed.

As something of an unofficial hype man for Mr. Marcinko, I found that it is my duty to protect his image. And what better way to do so by putting this unworthy, goddamn cock-breathed Commie motherfucker in her place? Trust me: You morons will love this.

My Deviant ID. by ~RogueWarrior869

This first piece illustrates RW869′s incompetence as a freehand artist (Which is why the bulk of submissions in her gallery are based on bases). Immediately, her admiration for the rich and deep culture of Japan anime and manga is made apparent, by her pathetic attempt to emulate anime-style art. If looking at her shitty anime-inspired art wasn’t sign enough, there’s also the fact that the words “Anime” and “Mangd” [sic] are floating next to her head. Or am I inferring too much?

The anatomy – as you should come to expect from most submissions we review here at DCQC – is fucking terrible. RW869′s fursona looks like a reject from Hey Arnold, complete with oversized misshapen head and elongated neck. Also, is that supposed to be a tail to the right of her, or an extension of her hair? I wouldn’t be so quick to put the latter past her, seeing as how fucking long her hair seems to be.

Well, I wanted an actual ID that was not my Gaia avatar. I really need to go back there and od more. Anyway I drew everything here myself and I am a neko fan if you cannot tell.XD.

Plus I suck at drawing people ears and this was was more fun.
Gotta thank my mom for helping out with helping pick out my eye color. I have a weird shade of blue-green eyes.
Also for giving some honest opinions about whatever I asked her while working on this.

So later then.^^.

RW869′s weeaboo status is further confirmed by her subscription to Gaia Online (Big fucking surprise), and use of obnoxious text emoticons. She does admit to being awful at drawing “people ears,” though she seems to forget that she’s also awful at drawing just about everything else as well. The most funny admission in this description is the fact that she showed this work-in-progress to her mother, who she claims gave “honest opinions” about the piece. If her mother had a shred of honesty in her, or an inkling of hope left in her daughter’s future, she’d have told her the REAL truth: That her art is absolutely terrible, and that she should give up on art immediately.

Kirby fun by ~RogueWarrior869

Inkscape, I think I love you. 
Inkscape is a vector program, hence it being in the vector category.

I had a little fun with the circle and star tools. After that, I loaded it in msPaint and added the blue and white to the eyes and spent a few minutes on the mouth before just leaving it black.

Disclaimer: I own this fanart and Kirby is owned by Nintendo.

Holy shit. Somehow, RW869 found a way to fuck up the single easiest-to-draw character in the history of all video games. Clearly, her incompetence as an artist knows no bounds. Incredibly, this wasn’t done entirely in MSPaint: Parts of this were actually done in Inkscape… Before she decided to import it into MSPaint to add the “finishing touches.” That is the art equivalent of starting an essay in Microsoft Word, before importing it to Notepad to add all the punctuation marks. Clearly, she couldn’t figure out how to use anything other than the circle and star tools in Inkscape (ie; The “Pen” tool), proving that she is as incompetent at computer software as she is at art.

If there’s any upside to this submission, it’s that she does declare in the description that she doesn’t mind if people don’t provide an accompanying comment should they happen to favorite this submission. Luckily, even if she were the type to complain about that sort of thing, it wouldn’t matter much, seeing as 0 users have favorited it.

Season 1: Female Kai Hiwatari. by ~RogueWarrior869

And so begins the nasty business of critiquing some art based on bases. Once again, RW869 defies all odds by managing to take something as simple as editing a base, and fucking it up completely. To be fair, the original base itself is pretty ugly in it’s own right; but RW869′s edit puts it over the edge.

Looking at the upper body, it looks like a kindergartener’s failed attempt to color within the lines with a dull old crayon. We have hair overlapping where it shouldn’t, gaps in the character’s dumb-looking gloves, and a failed attempt at adding detail to the shirt. The lower body shows exactly why MSPaint is the laughing stock of the whole artistic community, and why MSPainters are not counted among the ranks of real artists: Those pants couldn’t be more fucking jagged if they were covered with rusty razor blades. The belt is a series of inconsistently shaped and sized rectangles, no doubt added using none other than the “Rectangle” tool itself.

Finally! Had so much trouble this morning I just quit and came back earlier to figure this out. Had to scale down the original size. 

My first time using a base. It was in MSpaint. I am well aware of what I messed and that is supposed to be a ‘H’ on the belt but looks like a deformed ‘K’.

Link to the base used:
[link]

Credit for the base: ~Teufelspentagramm

Disclaimer: Beyblade is own by Aoki Takao.

Do bases count as mixed media?

If RW869 is “well aware of what [she] messed,” why then did she choose to submit it anyway? Why didn’t she make attempts to fix the problems before deciding she was finished? Whatever the reason, we’re the ones who suffer for it, having to bear witness to this abortion of a submission. Oh, and by the way: Bases don’t count as mixed media, you dolt. If you had bothered to look up the definition of mixed media… Oh, who am I fucking kidding? That would require effort, which means you clearly can’t be bothered with it.

I’ve looked at about as much of her artwork as I can take. How about we move on to some of her fan fiction? Wait, I’m sorry: I meant to say SLASH fiction. Of the 200+ groups she claims membership to (Thus stretching out her dA profile to a ridiculous length, as many deviants are prone to do), I guesstimate about 100 of them have something or other to do with “Yaoi / Yuri pairings.” She’s also involved in a number of pro-”Boy Love” groups (1, 2, 3), which allows me to officially classify her as a pedophile**. In fact, the characters in the following slashfic I am about to post are both aged 13 from what I can gather (Knowing literally nothing about Beyblade off-hand). But for now, let’s put aside whatever opinions we may have regarding homosexuality and pedophilia, and judge this piece based solely on it’s own merits.

ReiKai: Rain. by ~RogueWarrior869

Fanfiction:
Fandom: Bakuten shoot! Beyblade
Pairing: Rei Kon x Kai Hiwatari.

Warnings: Male slash, shounen-ai level fluff, out of character-ness.
First time writing ReiKai.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
He knew he wouldn’t be acknowledged by the younger blader when he entered the room. Although he knew Kai was very much aware that he was there.

Rei shook his head slightly seeing the dual blunette once again engrossed in one of his rarer activities. When something seemingly personal was bothering him, he didn’t say anything and went off to be alone. He’d only ever seen Kai do this twice and each time he had been sitting in front of a window staring out at whatever was to be seen, and like the last time he had found him in his silent state, it was raining, hard.
No thunder or lightning, just a long, hard Summer rain.

Knowing better than to try and pry as to what was wrong, he walked over to where Kai was sitting and sat down not far behind him. Spreading his legs slightly, he leaned forward and wrapped his arms around the dual blunette and pulled him up against his chest.

He mentally let out a sigh of relief when no form or protest was made and Kai relaxed into him. Still keeping silent but Rei expected that.
Rei wasn’t sure how much time had passed since he had arrived. He did notice though that the rain had only let up just a sliver and Kai’s eyes were now barely open.

Carefully, he laid them both back so they were each on their side and after doing so, Kai wordlessly turned over so he was facing Rei and had his knees drawn up slightly.

He barely felt the blanket that was placed over the both of them, his crimson eyes already shut. “You know you can tell me anything, right?” He barely caught the Chinese bladers voice.

He’d known the answer to that for awhile. He just wasn’t ready yet. “I know.” He whispered, consciousness fading into a dreamless sleep.

So we open with a series of poorly-punctuated run-on sentences, which – as you may already know – is a great way to open any piece of writing. It seems RW869 likes using more words than is necessary to describe things, helping add to the overabundance of the aforementioned run-on sentences. Furthermore, the already failed attempt at setting the mood is further ruined by an awful attempt at innuendo (“[...] just a long, hard Summer rain.”). On the bright side, the intro does set the tone for the rest of the piece! (Which is to say, it’s awful)

You can tell from this piece that RW869 has a lot of experience with relationships. No, wait; I’m sorry! What I meant to say was, “RW869 has absolutely no experience with relationships.” Funny how I mix those two up sometimes! Real humans don’t interact with each other this way: Relationships don’t work the way television and movies (Least of all anime and children’s cartoons) typically portray them as working. But seeing as this is a fault common among all fan fiction writers – if not all writers in general – perhaps I should just let it slide and leave her to her misconceptions. After all, we’re discussing a girl here who thinks that relationships between adult men and pre-teen boys have an unfair reputation.

What’s most off-putting, perhaps, is the sudden interjection of silly-sounding terms from the series [presumably]. One minute, it sounds like RW869 is trying to set a somber tone; the next, she’s referring to one of the characters as a “blader,” which brings to mind images of an 90′s rollerblader in denim shorts. Also, can I ask what the fuck a “dual blunette” is? At first, I assumed it was a typo of “brunette,” but after Googling it, I found around 260 results for it. All I know is, it sounds dumb as hell, as does the rest of this dumb show. I mean, come the fuck on: Kids battling each other with spinning tops? That’s a more blatant attempt at merchandising than fucking Yu-Gi-Oh!.

In conclusion: RW869 is as shitty a writer as she is an artist. It just so happens that she is also a shitty human being. Between her being an admitted pedophile and being a talentless artist, she’s also a physical and emotional wreck. Honestly, it’s even hard for me to tell where the crazy begins and the attention-seeking ends. There are only two things I know for sure: She would be much better off without the Internet to exasperate her problems,  and the Internet would be a better place without her. In the words of “The Geek” himself: “Drop dead motherfucker, you fucking amateur.“

**Does “NAMBLA” have an official dA group? They should look into starting one: They’d have a thousand watchers within the first week if they marketed it right.

For an explanation of why the site went down, as well as updates on the restoration, please consult this thread.

For those of you who may have registered your forums account before the 10th of July – the date our most recent back-up was created – you will need to re-register your accounts. For those of you who have never registered an account on the METOKUR Forums, you should get on that shit already.

For some time now, people have been requesting a “spiritual successor” to our Designing Your deviantART Profile article, which was written in a mock “dA tutorial” format. In it, I walked readers through how to design an obnoxious profile similar to those of many other tartlets. In today’s article, I present to you another tutorial-esque piece, walking you through how to identify deviantART users with “fucked up fetishes,” from little more than a mere glance at their galleries or their favorites.

It is my hope that this checklist is formally adopted by some psychiatric institute, and used to diagnose individuals as what we in the industry like to refer to as “sick fucks.” Failing that, I am also content posting this on deviantART and hearing angry feedback from furries, voreaphiliacs, and other assorted sick fucks. If you know someone who may have what constitutes as a fucked up fetish, I urge you to send this checklist to them, and to let me know they respond to it. Remember, the first step in any rehabilitation / self-help program is admitting you have a problem: If they should deny that their fetish is an issue, it is simply denial in action.

(Click for the full-size 800px by 3470px image)

Art Assets Used:

• “furry series 12″ by ~Lomeloke, http://lomeloke.deviantart.com/art/furry-series-12-62505927
• “Guro megane” by ~Demonic-EviL, http://demonic-evil.deviantart.com/art/Guro-megane-127515831
• “Shotacon” by ~sakuraNekoNya, http://sakuranekonya.deviantart.com/art/Shotacon-88615190
• “Body Inflation – Nala Pt. 2″ by *bignasty4life, http://bignasty4life.deviantart.com/art/Body-Inflation-Nala-Pt-2-22460595
• “Nude hentai girl” by ~TheRexKing, http://therexking.deviantart.com/art/Nude-hentai-girl-216497093

But before we get to that, we should get to know Wyatt better (Or – as he wishes the world would call him – “Dream”). Wyatt declares on his dA profile that he is 15 years old, a “total pokemon nerd” (Not a big enough fan to capitalize the “P” or accent the “é” though), and that he “freaking love[s] Scyther and Lugia.” In case you couldn’t guess, he is frequently made fun of at school, as he reveals in a deviation featuring his fursona.

Just a Freak… by ~Re-WrittenDreamer

Some kids at school found my DA account, and then they made fun of me at school… I’m a very sensative person, and I actually did start crying, so they made fun of me some more…
They made me realize that I’m nothing more than a fucking freak…
And to all the people who faved this, Fuck you.

Admitting you have a problem is the first step on the road to recovery. However, immediately proceeding to lash out against people who favorited his submission (His own fans potentially being among them) is hardly productive. If Wyatt ever hopes to stop being a “fucking freak,” he needs to learn to stop hurting the people who are trying to support him! God knows there aren’t many of them: Wyatt can’t afford to turn away the few friends he has on dA.

With submissions like this, it’s a wonder he’s amassed the small circle of followers that he has: His style is as simple as it is bland. Which is to say, it’s incredibly fucking simple. In this picture and across his entire gallery, the one aspect he seems to put the most effort / detail into are ropes and chains. It’s no surprise, considering what his fetish is (Don’t worry: I’ll be revealing what it is soon).

The other credit I will give him is his penmanship, which is surprisingly consistent considering he writes / draws with one hand. I have to take points off for his inability to spell the slur “FAGGOT,” however: You’d think that he would know by now that it has two “Gs,” considering that his classmates write it all over his books during class.

Happy Birthday MC by ~Re-WrittenDreamer

This submission – drawn as a present for his “bestest buddy” and fellow freak Magicxmc – is one of the few sketches in his gallery to feature coloring. This is because – as Wyatt admits in the description – he is colorblind. Clearly this is not the only vision deficiency to plague Wyatt: He is also incapable of being able to discern his own art as being shit.

Seeing as Wyatt does the bulk of his drawing during school hours while being picked on by his peers, he is prone to making sloppy mistakes. Note the erased letters underneath the “HAPPY BIRTHDAY!” header, or the half-visible remnants of where Wyatt considered drawing Magicxmcs fursona’s second leg. Also take note of the numerous smudge marks, from laying his hand on top of the paper in order to shield his art from the view of teachers and fellow students.

But the primary reason I picked this piece out for the article is to show what Wyatt’s fans and followers might assume to be his primary fetish: Straight-up bondage. And while the bulk of his submissions do, in fact, feature simple bondage, his true passion lies in a supplement to being tied up: Being tickled while tied up.

Flyn and Edge by ~Re-WrittenDreamer

Hooray! My first tickle picture! Featuring Flyn and Edge (or Eggie) of Rescue team 13 (the team’s info: [link]) I used a referance for Edges (the scyther) pose, because I’ve never drawn tickle art before. Now, I know there are lots of issues, such as the picture being tilted when I scanned it, and the fact that Flyns (the grovyle) hand looks really small (but I’ve always imagined grovyles having small hands)
Anyway, I hope you guys like it. :3

The story here is that Etch left for the weekend, so Flyn, being a 15 year old, got bored easily. (Now, I decided to make these characters each have a small bit of myself in them, so I gave Flyn a fetish) He decided that since Etch was gone, he would do somthing he had always wanted to. So he decided to put sleeping powder in Edges food that night, and then…well. I think you can guess what happened next.

This submission marks the humble beginning of Wyatt’s tickling fetish (Or at least of submitting art displaying his tickling fetish). Once again, the fetish gear – in this case the wooden stock for his fursona’s feet – is given the most attention by Wyatt. So fascinated by the idea of tickle torture is he, that he wrote a paragraph-long story to accompany the picture, detailing how exactly “Edges” found himself in this predicament!

Tickling is relatively harmless as far as fetishes go. On the other hand, I can’t figure out what anyone could possibly find sexually arousing about poking someone’s dirty feet and forcing them into a laughing fit. What’s more curious is how Wyatt came to realize and develop this fetish at such a young age! I can only imagine their being some incident in the boy’s locker room from back in his middle school years, involving him being tied up with jump-rope after gym.

Sevipers Punishment by ~Re-WrittenDreamer

This picture was inspired by this, so you may find some similarities: [link]

FULLVEIW PLEASE!
Anyway, you all remember seviper from “Tarons New Home” right? Well he finnaly got stopped. He was captured, and they decided to punish him a bit for kidnapping so many pokemon…
And just to let you know, that hand is programed with many different tickling techniques, and considering that seviper is laughing so much because of a feather…Well, I don’t think he’ll last much longer…too bad he doesn’t really have the option to quit! 

One of my favorite things to see on dA is when artists / writers assume their viewers are already familiar with the same shitty fanfic that they enjoy. I’m sorry Wyatt: I can’t honestly say I remember Seviper from “Tarons New Home,” and I can’t honestly say that I care to know either. What I am curious to know who captured him though, and decided that tickle torture was a fitting punishment for charges of abduction? Wyatt seems unable to pick between tickling as a form of torture or a method of pleasuring!

I don’t believe I need to reiterate which aspect of this picture Wyatt poured the most effort into, do I? With a description of the tickle machine’s functions in the description, I’d hardly be surprised to hear he owns some sort of home-crafted tickling device of his own at his home tucked under his bed at his parent’s home. After all: I doubt he’d have any luck convincing one of his classmates to participate in his ridiculous pseudo-sexual fantasies.

(For your viewing pleasure, here is an incredibly low-res pixel-art version he rendered of the picture above, which I couldn’t figure out how to shoehorn into my witty commentary.)

FML by ~Re-WrittenDreamer

I was REALLY upset when I drew this, and honestly still kinda am. I feel like there are so many things that try to tie me down, and want nothing more than to make me feel like shit and give up on life.

I figured it might be amusing to cap this article off with another dose of unwarranted angst and self-loathing. This submission does provide a bit more insight into Wyatt’s mind: Perhaps his tickling fetish might actually be part of a larger fetish, which is simply to be humiliated? It’s obvious that he enjoys being made fun of, or he wouldn’t be posting his art for public “approval!” Whether it’s by a jury of his peers at school, or by fellow deviants on deviantART, Wyatt actively does his damndest in order to make sure he is made fun of.

So, what can be done to fix “fucking freaks” like Wyatt? How can we help save these sexually confused, untalented children from themselves (And save ourselves from having to look at their talentless shit)? My vote goes towards writing hilarious, insulting articles about them. At least this way, even if we can’t fix kids like Wyatt, we can at least have some fun at their expense. After all: Making people laugh is a public service, and I am truly glad I can help.

Over a year ago, I uploaded a JPG of the Mona Lisa to my deviantART account, and titled it “my anime dream girl.” Over the course of a year, it received a scattered few comments, including one by dA admin $Stykera, who saw it for the obvious joke it was and left it up. On the 14th of April 2011 – seemingly out of nowhere – I started receiving angry comments en masse. Tartlets were furious that my act of art theft had remained unchecked for so long, and began to voice their complaints to me… And to Stykera.

Commenters were unable to fathom how Stykera – a deviantART administrator – could have seen my submission and not immediately have deleted it. Many cited deviantART’s policy against “Art Theft,” and claimed my work was a clear example of a violation. Stykera attempted to explain to the angry masses that the Mona Lisa isn’t protected by copyright: It belongs to what is known as the public domain; and as such, my submitting it does not actually constitute as theft. Amazingly, this response failed to satisfy enraged users, and the empty threats continue to pour in.

The number of tartlets legitimately threatened by my claiming of the Mona Lisa as my own were shocking. More surprising were the number of users requesting the submission be made a Daily Deviation: A prospect Stykera found “tempting,” but ultimately seems to have decided against. The fact that “my anime dream girl” had received any comments at all was unexpected!

The source of my newfound publicity was tracked to a comment on the profile of a group calling itself #ButthurtBrigade: A group which claims to be dedicated to delivering “parody and satirical humor.” They attempt to do so by featuring generic Trollface photoshops and submissions with the word “FAIL” plastered over themselves (Because as we all know, sprinkling the word “FAIL” into anything and everything is a recipe for comedy gold).

(Click for the full-size 600px by 2100px image)

But bringing joy to deviantART is merely a cover for the group’s true purpose. It is not their intent to cause “butthurt” among the easily offended. In actuality, “butthurt” is an adjective which amply describes the average member of the group. Though the group asks that “all comments to do with violations and reports be taken either to #Thief-Busters or #dAmn-army“ (Groups comprised entirely of members who dream of a day when dA will let them on as staff members, and pay for their premium member privileges forever), the majority of comments on #ButthurtBrigade’s profile consist of exactly those kind of comments. If it weren’t for these “call to arms” posts, the group wouldn’t have any activity on it’s profile at all!

#ButthurtBrigade is just one of a hundred worthless groups where tartlets can come together and whine about “how far dA has fallen” (Implying that dA hasn’t always been inherently flawed, which it is). It is the belief of these groups that they can somehow “fix” dA by spending all their time on the site tracking down what they believe to be policy violations, and proceeding to spam the “Report Deviation” function on an hourly basis until they get their way.

Luckily, they rarely do get their way, leaving many of them to eventually give up on the site. When they do get their way, they brag about their insignificant victories as if they have brought them one step closer to “cleaning up dA.” In reality, in the time it takes a member of dA’s staff to remove an offending submission, at least four or five more submissions violating the same policy are submitted to the site. Some are never taken down at all.

Well, guess what? It’s not the staff’s top priority to take violating submissions down. Sorry to invalidate your entire existence, avid flaggers: If you’re wondering what to do with yourselves now that I’ve cleared up 99% of your daily dA schedule, you might want to consider joining a wolf roleplay chat or something.

On a list of the priorities of a dA admin, “Removing submissions which violate site policy” ranks directly above “Making sure the copyright year at the bottom of the page matches the current year.” Unfortunately, it happens to rank directly below “Remembering to bring doughnuts to the staff summit,” which is legitimately important (Staffers gotta’ eat).

Art theft on deviantART doesn’t hurt anybody: There is little opportunity for profit (The point where art theft actually transcends site policy and becomes a valid legal issue), and there is no chance at becoming famous for it (As becoming truely popular would almost certainly mean being found out). People who legitimately attempt to pass off stolen art as their own live shallow lives, jealous of their idols and depressed by their own inability to draw. And yet, they are still less pathetic than users who spend their time on deviantART looking for things to report.

People who spend their time looking for violations to report will inevitably find them. They will also inevitably die lonely deaths, having inevitably never been laid. It’s a miserable existence to “enforce the law” when you have absolutely no power to actually enforce it. And for who’s benefit? The casual user? The casual deviantART user will rarely stumble upon submissions violating the terms of service: They don’t log onto dA to monitor the “Recent Submissions,” or bother expanding thumbnails of submissions not directly relevant to their narrow interests. They come to dA to look at their friend’s submissions and favorites, and maybe check the Daily Deviations on ocassion.

Clearly, seeking out violations isn’t about helping the community: It’s about pretending to have authority. It’s about pretending that what you say matters (Which it doesn’t), and vicariously feeling “in control” through the site staff (The people who are actually in control) as they enforce policy. It is a watered-down power rush for the utterly pathetic and powerless: An opportunity for them to shout “I told you so” at an audience of uncaring rule-breakers. Nothing is fixed, and nobody is bettered by it.

The backlash against “my anime dream girl” is hilarious in it’s futility. There could be no one dumb enough to mistake me for the original artist of the Mona Lisa, my disdain for site policy is made totally transparent (Meaning having the rules recited for me is a complete waste of text), and – up until the comment was posted on #ButthurtBrigade – the submission had over a year’s dust on it with less than 50 pageviews.

Those who were seriously and legitmately offended by Stykera letting the submission stay online – those who take deviantART far too seriously – need to chill the fuck out and stop bothering the site staff over trivial matters. This may sound out of character coming from me, but I applaud the dA staff for focusing on more pressing matters, such as improving site functionality and scheming new methods to seperate fools from their money. If they wasted their time listening to their users and resolving every issue they bring up, they wouldn’t have any time left to do… Well, anything else at all!

In other words, they would be just as pathetic as the losers who spend all their free time looking for submissions that violate site policy. And that’s a shitty way to waste your life away.

Before we get started, I need to reiterate a recurring point: That dA should no longer be considered an “artistic community.” I believe fellow DCQC contributor Lmte put it best, in his introduction to a previous article:

“dA’s habitual nature of allowing bad art along with the accompanying bad artists to thrive is seen clearly in the deviantART community’s forceful assimilation of turning all members into the back-patting-let’s-be-friends-disregard-all-criticisms-be-nice pillars of goodness and all-that’s-rightness. [...] If you’re constantly being praised for something you either put little to no effort in, or tried your best and the end result was a steaming pile of shit, why should you try and improve?”

Simply put; the vast majority of tartlets are more content coddling each other, rather than risking their reputations by daring to highlight even one negative aspect of a submission. Back-patting is second nature to so many tartlets, that even when an artist specifically requests “constructive criticism” (Be it in a journal or in the description of the piece itself), the first thing many of their friends and fans say is that they “don’t need it!” Which makes the “Critique” feature (Available only to premium members) quite the baffling inclusion to dA’s interface.

When I say “Available only to premium members” in parentheses, I mean that only premium members can enable the critique function for their works, and that only other premium members may respond to the call. I’m going to give the dA administration the benefit of the doubt here, and say that their decision to lock the feature away from non-premium members was their well-intentioned attempt at trying to keep trolls and other assorted riff-raff from abusing the function (Rather than some other entirely greed-motivated reason).

But that’s not what makes the inclusion of the feature so baffling to me: By including a feature designed to inspire proper critiques, it’s as if dA is inferring that the standard comments section is unsuitable for proper critiques. Which – of course – is absolutely true, but still speaks volumes of what little faith the dA administration has in it’s users (Which – of course – is absolutely warranted).

So, the feature is there for premium members. But are premium members really any better than non-premium members at dispensing constructive criticism? Of course they aren’t: Premium members are just non-premium members with money to burn (Or who have friends with money to burn). Being a premium member doesn’t suddenly unlock all the mysteries of the world and bestow unto you the true meaning of life. All it unlocks are a few extra widgets for your profile, and inflates your ego by a few gallons.

I took a random sample of about a dozen critiques written by premium members, and of them, maybe two of them could have passed for proper constructive criticism. A few of the others showed attempts at constructive criticism, but were either buried under so much unwarranted praise nobody would ever notice them, or weren’t actually all that helpful at all.

However, I did find one so-called “critique” that caught my attention. Not because it’s helpful or constructive (Because it isn’t), but because it is completely unashamed of not being at all helpful or constructive. Before I show it to you, I’m going to show you the piece it was written for, and the artist’s description for said piece.

Oklahoma Bombing by =torture-device

Here’s a little intro.

I became aware of the Oklahoma bombing 2 years after it actually happened – in 1997. I was 12 then. I was so impressed by the scale of it, and by the fact that ultimately, if not counting a couple accomplices, a single man had done it, that I became obsessed with the idea of becoming an insurgent. Funny, heh. But it works out that this incident that happened in another country, during my childhood, had pretty much warped me in what I am today.

So of course I had to make a tribute to the man that was on some account, my rolemodel, as far as I’m capable of having a role model. Timothy McVeigh.

Timothy James McVeigh (April 23, 1968 – June 11, 2001) was a United States Army veteran and security guard who was convicted of bombing the Alfred P. Murrah Building in Oklahoma City on April 19, 1995, the second anniversary of the Waco Siege, as revenge or to inspire revolt against what he considered a tyrannical federal government.

Score of 168 to 1.

“You can’t handle the truth. Because the truth is, I blew up the Murrah Building, and isn’t it kind of scary that one man could wreak this kind of hell?”

He accepted the execution with grace and dignity.

As for the picture, it’s referenced from a photo, done in Corel Painter X in about 10 hours of work, with background photoshopped from the ground zero of Murrah building.

I again used only two brushes to work on my realism style, and I’m very, very happy on the end result. Though there isn’t 100% semblance, and McVeigh looks somewhat older, I think it’s vast improvement – all in all I’m not a professional portraitist. Working on this painting was awesome, and I’d be glad to hear your critique and comments.

Now, I know what you’re thinking: “This guy considers Timothy McVeigh a role model?! What a monster!” Well, guess what? You’ve already failed the test, kiddies. Congratulations on immediately defaulting to a mindset incapable of appreciating the submission itself, let alone giving constructive criticism. Don’t feel too sore about it: It won’t keep you from running for public office or anything. All it means is that you’re too easily offended, and too susceptible to your emotions to be truly objective.

torture-device is a Neo-Nazi hailing from Norway; proud to be a racist and more than happy to stir the pot on dA. As a dA beta tester, he has full access to premium features and widgets, which he uses to the fullest on his user profile. It also allows him to create groups with automatic “Super Group” status**, including his recent group #Heretics-Undivided (A Warhammer 40k fan group, for the uninitiated out there). Furthermore – and most importantly in terms of this article – it allows him to enable critiques on his work, such as his Oklahoma Bombing piece pictured above.

Naturally, most find themselves too offended by the artist to offer any proper artistic criticism. But that didn’t stop premium user TheRealJustinBailey from writing a long-winded rant about how offended he was! Seen here wearing sunglasses indoors and looking like a generally smug piece of shit, Justin submitted a 7-paragraph diatribe for torture-device’s disapproval, going so far as to explain why he unfairly gave the submission the lowest possible score (A half-star) in every category, before listing off his real score in plaintext where it can’t actually be factored in.

(Click for the full-size 690px by 1324px image)

It is my belief that this so-called “critique” sums up everything that’s wrong with the dA critique system. It’s fueled by the writer’s rage, is entirely nonconstructive, and reeks of an attempt at trying to impress his own fans. It is a blatant attempt at trying to use the critique widget – which I feel compelled to remind you is a feature designed explicitly for art critique – into a stage for political debate.

In dA’s attempt to separate constructive criticism from the noise and banter of the standard comments section, all they’ve done is put a spotlight on a soapbox for any premium member to step up on and become the center of attention. Instead of helping aspiring artists by highlighting helpful reviews, all it does is give imbeciles a direct line to the submitter; which they either use to dispense the same breed of useless back-pattery they would post in the standard comments, or to complain about how offended they are.

A bit of full disclosure: In this example, torture-device gladly approved the critique, and replied to it with a post doubly as long as Justin’s. torture-device clearly expected a polarized reaction to his work, and anxiously awaited for someone like Justin to come along and write a scathing rant. Enabling critiques in this situation was clearly his attempt at setting bait. And sure enough, the dA community bit right into it, like the predictable single-minded animals they are. All it goes to show is that not even users who enable critiques expect much legitimate criticism from it, and neither should you.

**I could be completely and entirely wrong about beta testers being able to do this. If someone could confirm / deny this for me, it would be appreciated.

What prompts some deviantART users to deactivate their accounts? Perhaps some give up on art altogether, and look to erase all trace of ever having had an interest in it. Maybe some tire of the constant coddling and blind approval from their peers, and move to a site where they may actually receive the constructive criticism they desire. More often than not, however; tartlets shut down their accounts in an attempt to evade trolls (Or, at least, what they consider to be trolls).

The subject of today’s article claims his latest account to be his “10000th”. Obviously, this is an exaggeration: My estimates peg this as his 6th or 7th account (Give or take 2). His last account went by the name of King-Kaz, during the life of which he opened his new GAKING account; the subject of today’s article. I will attempt to detail GAKING’s activity over the course of the past three weeks: From the date of the account’s registration to the day I will be posting this article.

JANUARY 23rd: The account is registered with the intent of being a “backup gallery”, as explained in GAKING’s introductory journal. As he explains to his friends and fans coming from his King-Kaz page, he is attempting to escape from “drama [he] got into that doesnt seem to go away”. Clearly, the trolls that are pursuing him will never be able to find him here! Yes, the past 8 accounts getting found were just flukes: This time, he’s lost them for sure!

JANUARY 25th: Missing his premium member privileges from his King-Kaz account, GAKING begs his supportive uninterested fans for dA points. He claims the points are for a group of his called #The-HojoClan; dedicated to ninjas and other assorted Japanophilia, populated by a grand total of 9 watchers. This is 3 times as many watchers as his other ill-advised unnecessary group (#The-Art-Lobby) has. Of course, these small numbers do not keep it’s other members member from bragging about their rank in their signature!

Later this day, GAKING posts this second journal entry, in which he discusses his apparently newfound fascination with The Beatles. Distraught by the news that they broke up – news he writes of as if he had just been informed of it – he announces his plans to pen a Beatles “doujinshi“. His fans immediately approve of tell him his idea is fucking shit.

JANUARY 31st: Too lazy to conduct a search on his own, GAKING tasks his fans with finding him a tutorial on how to draw the Beatles’ hair.

FEBRUARY 2nd: GAKING finally submits a deviation to his account!

AT: Gaomon SAI ver. by ~GAKING

Woah Im so surprised how this came out by using my new best friend SAI..

Lineart belongs to *x-Pippin-x

In the submission description, and as evident by a damaged watermark in the top-left corner, he has merely colored in another deviant’s line-art. Comments left on the original line-art by the original King-Kaz account show his fear of fucking up the coloring. Because as we all know, coloring between the lines is quite the daunting task. Leave this shit to the professionals before somebody gets hurt!

FEBRUARY 3rd: GAKING posts a journal entry about a generic “basic art tutorial” he read, and how inspiring he found it. This seems to be the inspiration for a piece he submits the next day…

FEBRUARY 4th: … A RIDICULOUSLY oversized (31 fucking megabytes!) 5382 by 5000 pixel collage of half-assed anime-inspired sketches.

Traditional Junk 1 by ~GAKING

The two Megazord-looking motherfuckers are apparently Digimon characters, meaning he most likely relied heavily on reference material traced them. You’ll never guess who the human character in the top-right corner is supposed to be. Don’t worry: I’ll tell you later in the article. And when you hear who it’s supposed to be, I guarantee you’ll have a laugh.

FEBRUARY 5th: GAKING advertises his formspring page on his journal. Almost immediately, it is overrun with flame comments, many of which we can assume he chose not to answer. He replies to all of 6 questions before abandoning his formspring. Not a single one of them is from a proper fan. Attempting to bury the link to his formpsring, GAKING quickly posts another journal entry about an uninteresting dream of his (Potentially fabricated for the sake of simply having something to post). It reads as follows:

FEBRUARY 6th: GAKING sees fit to share another one of his Japanophile nightmares with us.

Still awake? His next journal – submitted on the same day – should make you chuckle, in which he puts forward a solid case for himself committing suicide. Oh, and he also mentions that he’s autistic. Because, you know: Nobody will use that against him. Especially not those trolls he’s been trying to dodge who already managed to compromise his formspring account!

FEBRUARY 7th: Finally, his fans cave in to his desperate bid for pity, and a number of them chime in with stories of their own disabilities. Feeling his ego has been sufficiently stroked, GAKING deems fit to submit to them subject them to more of his so-called “art”.

Right back at aya by ~GAKING

This awful Naruto-lookalike was obviously submitted by GAKING with his HojoClan group in mind. If this ninja is the best his feudal clan has to offer, they are most certainly fucked! How the fuck is he supposed to hold a sword with those hilariously deformed hands of his? Not like that matters, since his shoulders and elbows would never be able to support a proper swing of the blade. This guy looks like he’s ready to model for some bad cross-dressing porno magazine (Starring and catering to the hideously deformed, obviously); not ready to die for his clan.

FEBRUARY 8th: Another day, another deviation. It also happens to provide an answer to the question of who the fuck that dude from his collage piece was supposed to be: Paul “Motherfucking” McCartney (I told you you’d never guess).

Im too sexy for mai vest by ~GAKING

Whats up with Paul and his many vests?

GAKING has almost figured out that pesky concept of “human anatomy” in this picture. Though according to his fans, he may only have it figured out when drawing characters in this specific pose, as he apparently relied on it on many an occasion when drawing for his old accounts. Taking this theory into consideration while taking a look at his attempts to break out of this pose, I am inclined to believe it.

Regardless of all this, and as close to mimicking human proportions as this piece may be, one thing it is certainly incapable of doing is resembling Paul McCartney. I guess consulting that hair tutorial didn’t pay off like he thought it would. Or maybe it’s because his style is so simplistic and generic, that it’s hard to distinguish any one of his human characters from another. When the only way you can tell characters apart is by the color of their hair, there is a problem.

FEBRUARY 10th: GAKING takes to his journal to ask for critiques. Which – on deviantART – actually means that he wants his fans to lend him more pageviews and to pat him on the back for a “job well done”. True critiques are a rare sight on deviantART, where the users are so afraid of being shunned and shouted at, they only congratulate and commend in their comments. The fear that their constructive criticism may be misconstrued as flaming keeps them from providing anything that’s actually insightful. But hey, I’m getting off-topic here: I promise I’ll do a proper piece on “dA critiques” one of these days.

FEBRUARY 11th: In his latest deviation [to date], GAKING returns to drawing a style of character he is more familiar with: Digimon (I suspect he might even have an easier time relating to them than his fellow homo-sapiens).

Dukey… by ~GAKING

You may notice that the pose is similar to that of his Paul McCartney (Allegedly) piece. Except this piece continues a bit longer below the waist, revealing that his left leg is significantly shorter than his right. This defect is not listed anywhere on the character’s Wikimon entry, and as such, I believe it to be a mistake on GAKING’s part. Other than that, there honestly isn’t much to say about this picture: It reflects the same generic anime style he has demonstrated before.

As with the rest of his Digimon fanart, it resembles the character it is based off of closely enough, but only because he has plenty of reference material to work with. Because Paul McCartney isn’t an anime character, he was forced to draw his own interpretation of him as an anime character, to what we’ve established is a poor result. GAKING lacks the creativity necessary to draw anything original, or to even deviate slightly from the characters he uses as reference (As is the case with his bit of Naruto fanart).

—

So, how long will this account of his last? How long will it take for him to move on to deactivate this one and try to rid any evidence he used it at all? What will be his reason for moving on to his new name and new account? I’ll tell you this much: It will have nothing to do with the trolls who allegedly plague him. In fact, I wouldn’t be surprised if there weren’t any trolls to speak of at all, and if he spoofed all the aforementioned flame comments on his formspring.

From his journals and comments, and from the comments of his fans who have followed him from account to account, it’s fairly obvious to me that he is an attention-seeker. His every word is a cry for pity, as is his every self-deprecating admission. He doesn’t care about bettering himself as an artist: He simply needs something to draw in a crowd, and so he can later beg for them to comment and critique him. He starts groups for the sake of starting groups, simply so he can claim ownership of them and pretend that he commands his other members and watchers.

His reasons for changing accounts probably amount to dry spells in how many comments and well-wishes he receives on his profile. He sticks around on his accounts as long as his fans continue to enable him, and when they take so much as a day-long break from their back-petting, he abandons ship and starts anew again. It is a modus operandi I have seen before, and one that never ends well for those who employ it. Once his fans realize that they have been duped, they will stop enabling him, and leave him high and dry when he tries again to flee the scene.

GAKING is truly as lonely as he is uninspired. I guess that “Apsergic pride” Natter45 once spoke of really is a crock of shit.

There do exist a few “oddities” within the category system, which stand out as being out of place within their tier. For example: “Anthro“, which even furries will admit is a genre of of art, is listed alongside mediums of art such as “Digital Art” and “Traditional Art”. Further complicating the situation, selecting the Anthro category yields two subcategories of it’s own: “Digital Media” and “Traditional Media”. A bit redundant, isn’t it? Clearly, the Anthro category was a last-second addition, and wasn’t thought out as well as the rest of the categories of the sorting system.

Then there are the categories which seem out of place on dA in general. If you narrow your scope down from “Photography” to “Photography > People”, you are presented with a number of third tier categories, including one by the name of “Fetish Art“. The category exists to house exactly what you would assume it exists to house: Softcore porn catering to specific sexual fetishes. Bondage and “foot worship” are among the more popular subjects, but you shouldn’t be surprised to stumble upon [artificial] mutilation, cosplay, and BBW (Perhaps the one fetish out there I will never understand).

Now, I’ve weighed in on the “Porn as Art” argument before (“If the sole intent of a piece is to arouse, it is not art”), while making it clear I have no problem with the existence / prevalence of pornography in our society. I’ve also discussed how certain fetishes have the potential to breed sinister individuals. So, rather than debating the morality / sanity of specific fetishes, we’ll be judging these pieces strictly on their aesthetic / erotic qualities.

Hanging in space – no escape by *Singingnaturist

Gorgeous Gina, hanging naked completey off the ground, on a winter’s day at one degree above freezing, helpless and nowhere to go. And she loved every minute of it!

The fetish in question here is clearly bondage. So, why does the emphasis in this photo seem to be on “Gorgeous Gina’s” right armpit, and her trashy eyeball tattoo staring back at you? The angle here is totally off for a bondage shot, and barely even shows off the lady’s lady parts. I figure, if you’re going to pose nude, you might as well go all out and show off the “land down under” (As in her vagina, for those of you not fond of euphemisms): The porn industry is not a place for the shy or the ashamed.

Furthermore, the dastardly tree-tier-to responsible for Gina’s predicament forgot to bind her feet / gag her mouth, allowing his victim to potentially maneuver her way out of her weak constraints or to cry for help (Though, if nobody’s around to hear her, does she even make a sound?). But the creepiest part about this picture isn’t the fact that the incompetent criminal intended to leave his victim to freeze to death: It’s that the description claims that Gina “loved every minute of it!” Really? I wouldn’t be able to guess that she’s having a good time from looking at her face, which looks to me to convey complete and utter boredom.

Got Milk? by ~RennDemolition

Ah, yes: There’s nothing quite as sexy as a woman who lacks the hand-eye coordination to pour milk into her mouth without spilling it all over herself. She’s so uncoordinated, she can’t even manage to put on a shirt or a bra! Maybe she suffers from some affliction which makes her hands shake uncontrollably, rendering even the most simple of tasks (Such as drinking milk, or shampooing her greasy hair) nearly impossible. Now, how am I supposed to masturbate knowing that?

Not like there’s anything particularly erotic about this picture to masturbate to, anyway: It lacks all the qualities of proper porn photography. The “model” (I’m using the term very loosely here) should be looking into the camera, to suggest to the lonely masturbator masturbating to her that she’s putting the show on for him. Instead, her eyes are hidden under a thick screen of eyeshadow, which I can only assume means she has some horrible sort of lazy eye or something to accompany her other afflictions.

Mirror Mirror 1 by ~drcurvy

I’m not particularly fond of large breasts (I prefer something in a size C or B). This photo does little to sell me on the fetish. Put aside for now just how fucking large they are: It’s so goddamn obvious that they are goddamn fake, I don’t see how a single goddamn person could get off to this. They’re so ridiculous that even if a more attractive model were sporting them – maybe one who isn’t in her late 40′s – their prettier face still couldn’t sell the shoot.

Alright, I’ll admit: That last observation is a little bit ageist of me. Perhaps the woman in the photo might even find it offensive, if she were ever to read this. On the other hand, this is “Fetish Art”: It is intended as softcore porn! And what is porn if not exploitative, offensive, and downright rude? If a supposed model can’t handle the fact that someone out there doesn’t find them attractive, then they shouldn’t be strutting their shit in front of a camera in the first place. Though, perhaps in this case, “strut” might not be the word: Those inflatable pads must be doing a nasty toll on her back, which must already be suffering from the ill effects of old age. A cougar she is not.

Mr. Kitty by ~AngelCrossPhotos

Hey, speaking of cats, get a load of this dude who wishes he had been born a cat rather than in the sad shell of a body life gave him! Remember: I found this photo listed under “Fetish Art”. This is intended for a masturbatory purpose. What’s even mildly titillating about this shit? The dude is fully clothed (Overdressed, even, if you consider the cheap accessories to be additional articles of clothing), the scenery is so bland it’s actually distracting, and the model is clearly uninterested.

Here’s another question: Who is the target audience? Maybe it’s for zoophiles attempting to ween themselves off of real animals, and refocus their attention on their own species. If that is the case, I can imagine many of them would rather take their chances trying to fuck a lion than swing their sick dicks anywhere near this sad sack.

But wait, what’s that? Someone actually enjoyed the picture for it’s supposed “erotic” quality? Sure enough, it turns out at least one deviant thinks that AngelCross is “hot”. Nevermind the fact that the deviant in question appears to be a 16-year old girl.

So, what does this prove? Is there hope yet for AngelCross’ modeling career? Does the fact that other people approved of the submissions I’ve mocked today mean that I’m wrong about the submissions in question being terrible?

Well, no: It just goes to show that people with oddly specific fetishes can’t be picky. The more odd your fetish is, the less porn there will exist of it. And so, you must settle for whatever you can find, and use your imagination to fix whatever flaws there might be. In the case of these four submissions, I imagine it might take a particularly strong imagination.

The problem is, I have absolutely no idea what possible use we could derive from this dumb thing. Which is why I now turn to you – the viewer – to tell us what the fuck you would want to see on the group page (If anything). Drop us a comment on the page, and we’ll see what we can do about obliging your requests.

Alternatively, if you hate our goddamn guts, we encourage you to join the opposition! They need all the help they can get in their holy crusade against us. I tried joining, but got rejected for some reason. I even sent them an affiliation request, but they rejected it! I can’t help but shake the feeling the group’s creator has some kind of a personal grudge against me or something… Me! Of all people!