I thought that I’d “mix things up a bit” today by penning a handy guide for you eager-to-learn tartlets out there! Specifically, those of you who are looking to pimp out your deviantART profiles, so you can start mingling with the “cool kids”. Today, I bring you my how-to guide on how to design your deviantART profile!

We’ll be using another deviant’s profile as a template in this piece. Specifically, the profile of KittyChan12 TheMeowingFox, who you may remember from a previous article. However, while that article dealt with her being a terrible artist, this one will focus on her having an awesome dA profile! (“Awesome” as defined by deviantART standards, which – of course – translates to “cluttered shit” by all other standards.)

Today’s article is brought to you by forum poster “Jim81Jim”, and was originally posted in this thread.

Allow me to introduce you to the subject of today’s article: A tartlet who goes by the handle Decadence-Decay. Our little Ms. Decadence – real name Sophia – is a 16 year old girl on dA. Though I suspect that’s not too much of a shock to you when you consider that the entire site is comprised almost entirely of nothing but teenage girls (Or, alternatively, 40 year old men from Tokyo who enjoy wearing panties on their heads, claiming to be 16 year old girls).

Before we begin the article proper, I’d like to ask you – the reader – a question. But before we can even do that, I’m going to need you to take a look at a picture. But before we can do that, I’m going to need you to scroll down the page a bit so you can actually see it.

Sometimes, there’s simply not much to say about a picture. Sometimes, the flaws in this picture are so obvious that commentating on it is needless. Sometimes, a picture is so badly drawn, that anyone who isn’t fully blind can figure out that it belongs in a 15 year old’s notebook, and not in a portal which is laughingly called an “art” portal.

Sometimes, you have to doubt a child’s creativity when the closest they come to “originality” are recolors or minor retoolings of characters from Sonic the Hedgehog, which look almost exactly like the original characters they are based on.

After pitching the idea of Nathan F (Better known as DrMusic2 on deviantART) having his own article to ED’s IRC channel, I was met with resounding approval. So here it is: A full article dedicated to everyone’s favorite “werejohncandy” himself! Perhaps if he had actually checked and noticed that I’ve been an active contributor to ED for months (Not to mention, a reader for years) before falsely claiming that I was unanimously “hated” there, he wouldn’t have been so quick to drop their name on our site’s comments.

The article covers everything from his absurd choice of personal fursona, to his disturbing obsession with koala bears. It briefly touches upon his kindergarten-grade writings, and features a large gallery of his artwork so the article might continue to amuse readers should anything happen to happen to his profile. I hope all of you at home have as much fun reading it as I had writing it.

Read Nathan Forester’s article on Encyclopedia Dramatica! →

If you dig deep enough into the depths of the Internet, you’ll find a little-known sub-culture hidden beneath the house that the goth movement built: Fatties, virgins, and fat virgins alike who pretend that they are real life vampires, and who claim to indulge in the taste of blood in between the hour-long bathroom sessions it takes them to apply their makeup in the morning.

In reality, they are as harmless as the emos and goths whos anti-social shtick they’re copying. And thanks to the cinematic and literary turds that compose the popular Twilight series, recent membership has shot through the roof, making it officially hip to want to have fangs.

Of course, there isn’t a black corset in the world tight enough to keep the fat from rolling out, or a makeup strong enough to hold it’s own against the tears of a miserable 16 year old girl.