Hello, I’m the Cosplay Critic. I rip off cheesy intros, just like everyone else.

“Hey Neptune, I want to stick something in Uranus!” ~ Unfunny joke from every Sailor Moon fan alive.

Offended yet? I’m not. If you are going to do a fucking lesbian kiss scene for cosplay, god damn it I better see some tongue. And get rid of clothes. And a vibrator. No, I take that back, a double sided dildo. And you better fucking use it in the right way, or does Daddy have to show you?

Alright, to be fair, The background is actually half-ass decent for once. At least it’s not in some cum stained hallway of a convention center. That’s the only positive I’m giving you though. You look nothing like the characters you are portraying. Great, you got a sailor uniform, a wig, and some accessories. Any Navy officer would dream of you in a lonely wet dream at sea. Plus, that god damn kiss looks so fucking forced. At least try to make it look natural.

Next contestant, come on down!

Join the fight against Skin Cancer. Cosplay today!

Alright, if you can’t tell by now (You must be fucking blind if you can’t see it), this one needs to back off from the tanning booth. Or the spray tan. Whichever. Unless you are that dark naturally, which I fucking doubt because nobody has skin that orange. Eyeliner looks like shit. Costume looks like shit. Pose looks like shit. And your wig is terrible.

Artist’s Comments

I finally finished my Yoruichi! *_* I love her so much!!!
It’s not looking as good as I wanted, but I’ll redo many parts of this costume later.

Yoruichi, from Bleach.

I guess this excuses my complaints?

I’ll answer that with another question: If your fucking costume isn’t even done correctly, and you know it, why the fuck would you take a picture of yourself in it and upload it for the world, so they can think you are KAWAII DESU?

UPDATE: Turns out the skin color is makeup. Lies! I stand by my spray on tan claim!

And now it is time yet again for another:

HOLY SHIT, WHY?

This section needs no words, only a gun to kill whatever happens to be in the way.

So… It’s been a while, hasn’t it? Let’s just get right down to it then, shall we?

"I'm blue, da ba dee da ba die..."

Indoril Pride by ~canispanthera

I wouldn’t lie to you guys: I don’t even know who the fuck this guy is trying to be. “Warrior Smurf” seems like a good guess. Now, I could point out all the obvious flaws: The costume looks like ridiculous overly-decaled fantasy bullshit, you can tell that “shield” he has is made out of paper products and couldn’t withstand a blow from a toilet roll, the fucking blue skin and hair coloring looks like shit – But no: Forget all that. Here’s all you need to know about this picture, from the artist’s own description.

“Though House Indoril is far from its former glory, Indoril dunmer preserve tradition and live steadfast, in the honor of the Almsivi, and Lord Indoril Nerevar.

Planning: me
Photography: my mother
Costume: me
Model: me
Editing: me

The Ordinator is from The Elder Scrolls III: Morrowind, which is copyright, Bethesda Softworks.”

So first of all, we know this is a character from The Elder Scrolls III. Thank you, now I know what you were trying to look like, and I can see where you couldn’t pull it off even more. But again, that’s not my point here. His mother helped him. Why in the fuck would you openly admit to having your mother help you out? And worst of all, what crack snorting, drunk off her rocker mother would let their own child do something like this? I think I should make a petition to get, Cosplay and how to do deal with your child’s sick hobbies, into parenting classes.

CRAWLING IN MY RABBIT HOLE. THESE CARDS, THEY WILL NOT PEEL.

Alice in Wonderland by ~Puri-sama

Quick question; When did Alice become Emo? I mean, she did cry a lot in the story, but I don’t recall this excerpt from the story:

“I got up out of bed today, and the sun was bright. I hate the sun, it reminds me of my bitch of a mother. After I got dressed and loaded my face with too much eye liner, black eye liner, I went outside to find this dark hole, a place where I could cut myself in peace.”

Stop turning innocent fucking characters into these gothic/emo types. It’s not cool, nor is it bad ass.

And now, it’s time for a new segment: “HOLY SHIT, WHY?”! Basica, this is the section where no words are needed: The picture speaks a thousand words, none of which are very pleasant. And our lucky winner for “First Victim” goes to:

Sadako Cosplayer by ~lux-caelum

Enjoy your last seven days.